There are fifteen questions. You have thirty minutes!
1. Approximately thirty percent of the Earth is covered by land. What is the other 70% covered by?
a) Water
b) Philip Rivers' contract
c) Andy Reid
d) The Bears' Defense
2. What is the worst fashion statement of the decade?
a) Sweater Jackets
b) Oversized Belt-buckles
c) Lady Gaga
d) The Seattle Seahawks
3. Failure is:
a) Something we all must learn from
b) The Buccaneers
c) The Browns
d) The Titans
4. It has a hole in the center:
a) A tire.
b) Cheerios, proven to lower your cholesterol
c) Donuts, proven to raise your cholesterol
d) Green Bay's offensive line
5. Which of the following objects is best described by the phrase "it makes a lot of noise but actually does nothing?"
a) An air-horn.
b) Loud rap music.
c) Party noisemakers
d) Terrell Owens
6. When _______ is on ______, _______
a) Music, the stereo, sing.
b) Football, television, be quiet
c) Food, the stove, watch it
d) Peyton Manning, a drive, kiss your backside goodbye!
7. You are more likely to get killed by a toilet-cleaning product than....
a) Be struck by lightning.
b) Get bitten by a poisonous snake
c) Win the lottery
d) See St. Louis move the chains
8. Analogy time. Blanket: Bed is to...
a) White: Rice
b) Flies: Cow Pies
c) New Orleans: Offense
d) The Media: Brett Favre
9. Which of the following will we NOT see in this decade?
a) A colony on Mars.
b) Flying cars.
c) Salary cap rules that make sense.
d) Jake Delhomme winning MVP.
10. The number "7"...
a) Is the square root of the 49ers!
b) Describes the number of deadly sins
c) Is probably how many games Atlanta will win this season.
d) JaMarcus Russell's current QB rating.
11. Which of the following pairs of objects has the greatest combined mass?
a) An elephant and a rhinoceros
b) My dad and your dad
c) Jupiter and Saturn
d) Kevin and Pat Williams
12. What is the difference between the Detroit Lions and a vacuum cleaner?
a) The vacuum cleaner can actually move around turf efficiently;
b) A rookie can eventually learn how to operate a vacuum cleaner;
c) If the vacuum cleaner stops working, you can get a refund;
d) It is possible to make a vacuum cleaner stop sucking.
13. The following things are inevitable in life:
a) Death
b) Taxes
c) Jim Zorn getting canned.
d) Baltimore's defense putting up more points than your entire fantasy team.
14. It collapses very easily:
a) A house of cards
b) A folding chair
c) Your 401k after last year
d) Both teams that played in the '08 Superbowl
15. "Wildcats" are:
a) Fierce predators that live in the forest
b) A common name for many sports teams, including my alma mater;
c) Proposed name change for the Miami Dolphins
College news later!
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