The Fourth Phase

After a rather lukewarm (and exhausting) couple of days at work, I finally get around to updating: The Bears game was fantastic. Of course, it's always fantastic when your team wins by 24 points, but overall, on the Awesome-O-Meter, where 1 is a kiss from your grandmum and 10 is Brad Pitt drag racing Tom Brady through Death Valley on Christmas, Sunday's classic NFC-style blowout was at least an 8, right between when I passed my qualifying exam in graduate school and the invention of the forward pass. 

The Blues Brothers were spot-on. 

On a beautiful Sunday I arrived at Soldier Field with my friend Tom, (a strange Lions/Bears fan hybrid whom I head up to Chicago with sometimes, and who has an awesome camera), just as a few Bears, not yet in uniform, limbered up on the field and fans began to stream in. 

"Hey man, if I get stuck like this, make sure it's not on ESPN tomorrow."

Tight end Greg Olsen rocks out in pink cleats for breast cancer awareness month.

Everything was perfect: the grass was neatly groomed, the end zone pylons were impeccably placed, every star on the NFC logo was geometrically precise. As we explored the stadium the Bears decided to suit up, and about an hour prior to kickoff, everyone was in full effect, including the fans. I was so wild and hyper at this point that I don't think I held still in one place prior to kickoff, bouncing off walls and caroming around the stadium like a cornerback on methamphetamine.

"If I try hard enough, I can punt this thing into Lake Michigan and make the Lions swim it back. Lovie, we got any snorkels?" (Brad Maynard)

"Darnit, I can't see myself, with my hot pink gloves, on the JumboTron from here!" (Devin Hester)

The Monsters of the Midway were lead onto the field by the Bears' Drumline. Fun Fact: Chicago does not have cheerleaders, but rather, a drum corps organized by the 4th Phase, the Bears' fan organization. It is named as such because there are "four phases" to the Chicago Bears: offense, defense, special teams, and the fan-base.

There are four phases of matter: Solids, Liquids, Gases, and Crazed Bears Fans in a supercritical state.

The game itself began as the Cutler/Stafford Showdown at OK Corral. Matthew Stafford opened up rapidly with deep passes to WR Calvin Johnson that the Bears' secondary was not prepared for, and, aided by several defensive penalties, put up seven points quickly. The Bears answered rapidly as Jay Cutler Air-Jordaned into the end zone for six. 

It's a Second and One Contest O' Captioning!:

a) Quarterback Jay Cutler not only captures the hearts of fans, but the gold medal in gymnastics as well;

b) By channeling the spirit of John Elway, Cutler proves that in addition to the ball he is holding, he has two more;

c) Linebacker: "Uh...what the...?" Announcer: "Touchdown Chicago!"

At the half, the game was tied 21-21. There was more call-and-response than a gospel choir! Stafford again nailed Calvin Johnson, but Cutler found both Kellen Davis and Greg Olsen for another 14. The Lions' offense, I must say, looked surprisingly competent. Bears fans sat on their hands as the drumline took the field for 20 minutes. I went to buy pizza. 

As everyone held their breath, Chicago fired a shot across the bow to re-start the battle. At the beginning of the third, rookie WR Johnny Knox fielded a punt in the end zone, ran it back 102 yards for the score, and at this point, the windows at Soldier Field were just about blowing out. Fun statistic: The Lions put up three points in the second half. Chicago's monster scoring machine continued and put up nine times as many: Matt Forte, in addition to his decent first-half stats, ran one in, as did RB Garrett Wolfe. Has anyone seen Garrett Wolfe? He's the Bears' equivalent of Darren Sproles. At 5'7", he's about the size of an atom of sodium next to linemen who are a foot taller than him, but if there's a play designed properly for him, he's incredibly useful.

The secondary made some adjustments as well, covering Johnson repeatedly with cornerback Charles "Peanut" Tillman, and turning up the pressure on Stafford, who overthrew his receivers and eventually went out with a knee injury as DE Adewale Ogunleye planted him.** Stafford was sacked a total of five times and turned the ball over twice. Before I knew it, the game was over, and the Bears had put up a staggering 48 points, dashing Detroit's hopes for a winning streak as the former went to 3-1. The second half and the subsequent loss was, to quote Lions coach Jim Schwartz, "one of the worst" he's seen.

Chicago: Thank you Lord, for this beautiful Sunday and the generous 48 points! 

Detroit: Thank you Lord, for only embarrassing us by 24 instead of 31. @#%&! #*%&@@!!!

So what did the Bears do right? 

a) Proving that they can finish a game: Again, the Bears prove that under pressure, they can do more than simply play defense when the game resumes at the half. It's all about making the "necessary adjustments" - like taking rookie CB Zackery Bowman off of Calvin Johnson and upping their pass-rush.

b) Actually playing defense when the game resumes at the half: The Bears have won three games since MLB Brian Urlacher's season-ending wrist dislocation. In addition to Urlacher, the team is also without linebackers Pisa Tinoisamoa and Hunter Hillenmeyer, and yet they don't seem to be suffering too much at this position as Nick Roach and Lance Briggs have more than compensated, aiding in forcing the Lions to four consecutive 3-and-outs in the second halves.

c) Delivery by Air-Mail: Is there anyone who Jay Cutler is not throwing to? He's got his tight ends. He's got Knox, Bennett, Hester, Forte as the option, and this confuses defenses if executed properly. Although the logistics of the deep pass are still being worked out, the Bears also have a bye week now, leaving Knox (shin) and Hester (shoulder) plenty of time to get healthy. Who next? Who's wide-out? Who's in the slot? The center? Walk-on fans? "Ineligible receiver downfield?" What's that mean, anyway? I won't say that Cutler is the next Tom Brady, (Chicago Tribune) but, as one fan remarked to me during the game, "It's so good to have a quarterback."

d) Special Teams that are actually Special, and not Special: The Bears won the field position battle, starting multiple drives from midfield or inside enemy lines. Their average starting field position: The Lions' 46 yard line. Why is this? To me, the answer is rather simple: teams are scared stiff to kick off to the Bears, who have three kids who can and have very easily run a few back: Knox, Hester, and free safety Danieal Manning*(who now acts as the nickel back on pass plays when Craig Steltz plays at FS, so he's probably the least threatening of the three). Still, as a result, opponents tend to kick either deep into the end zone, content on punting into the nearest body of water or the concession stands, or they kick short, high, or out of bounds to avoid the stigma of being another team who thought they could kick to Devin Hester and get away with it. 

***

What, now, becomes of the Lions? Well, without Stafford, who still threw for 296 yards and one TD against the Bears, I'm afraid not much. The Lions will not survive another season of quarterback roulette, and the rookie brings a jolt of athleticism, accuracy, and intelligence to a franchise that's been screwed sideways for the better part of half-a-century. If anything, the Lions have proven that they can score points, but still have a hard time overcoming what the Detroit News calls "Jeckyll and Hyde Syndrome" - the nagging psychological propensity for slipping into a coma at the half and not waking up in time. (Detroit News). If this can be erased by some means -prayer, chanting, blowing into paper bags, covering up the scoreboard so the players can't tell what quarter it is, something - the Lions' increasingly cohesive offense may eventually work out their first road victory in two years. Or maybe not.

***

After the game, I joined the mass exodus of wild fans prancing back through Grant Park, and realized that my dad, a fellow Bears fan whom I've mentioned numerous times, had left me numerous voicemail messages as he followed the game. "Robbie Gould from 50 yards! Go Bears!" "That Penalty on Alex Brown was not a face-mask or a horse-collar. What a BS call!" "Wow. You guys really have a beautiful day down there."

That we did, Dad. That we did.

Tomorrow: A suitably less Bears-centric recap from around the rest of the league, now with more Brett Favre!

Also, a special thanks goes out to Tom for a) good, like-minded company, b) being able to take pictures where I was too jittery to do so. 

*A lesser-known an under-appreciated Manning of the NFL.

**Q. What's blue and white and green all over? A. Matthew Stafford on Sunday afternoon.