Down in Miami, it wasn't looking good for the Saints. Down by 21, Ricky Williams was running all over the field as if New Orleans had been wiped out by a hurricane. Halfway through the third quarter, however, the Scoring Machines returned with a vengeance, and in the second half they outscored the Dolphins 36-10, including two interception returns for touchdowns! It is safe to say that Miami did not know what hit them. In this game, Drew Brees threw three interceptions and fumbled, but still managed to pass for 298 yards and a touchdown. While this is statistically about average quarterbacking, Brees wins the contest this week by rushing for two touchdowns himself and then celebrating in ridiculous fashion! And then, as my friend Catherine (who grew up in New Orleans) eloquently put it, "6 and 0, B#@&H!" Good garden party, the Saints are terrifyingly good.
Dear Mr. Brees: Let's talk about this celebratin' business. Signed, Chad Ochocinco. Source: Zuma Press.
Fresh From the Bakery, NFL Edition: After being pounded into dust by the Saints, Tom Coughlin's Giants were hoping to rebound against a pass-wacky Arizona team that's been playing schizophrenically all season. However, Arizona DC Clancy Pendergast (whom Second and One has mentioned before during a litany of Coaches with Funny Names), had other plans, and dialed up a host of dramatically overpressurized blitz formations. As a result, Eli Manning was smothered and intercepted thrice - and you can't turn the ball over when you're moving into enemy territory and need seven to send the thing into OT! If this wasn't bad enough, Giants RB Ahmad Bradshaw, who now has a cracked bone in his foot, fumbled with four minutes remaining - after already rushing for 14 yards and a first down! And in winning the turnover battle, Big Red prevailed over Big Blue.
Fresh From the Bakery, College Edition: In a contest between the Nebraska Cornhuskers (who have had some simply ridiculous games this season) and the Iowa State Cyclones, the Huskers dominated on defense, held ISU to 9 points, and won the battles of first down, passing and total yards, penalties, and third-down conversions - and still lost the game. The catch? Let's look at Nebraska's drive summary! Fumble, Punt, Touchdown, Interception at the ISU one-yard-line, Punt, Fumble into the ISU end zone, Punt, halftime, Fumble into the ISU end zone and out the back, Fumble at the ISU five-yard-line, Fumble on your own 22 yard line, Punt, Interception, Interception. That is - count 'em - eight turnovers, four in the red zone. Holy Halfbacks. According to my mass spectroscopist, Nebraska tried EVERYTHING: freshman running backs, different block formations, four-tight end sets, chanting, meditation, prayer, Krazy Glue, uppers, downers, sidewaysers- and just could not hold onto the football. In other news, the Chicago Bears just drafted all of Iowa State's secondary.
More Titans Anguish: Following the bye week after the Titans were demolished by the bloodthirsty Patriots, head coach Jeff Fisher was ordered by owner Bud Adams to start Vince Young at QB, leaving Kerry Collins to record country music and twiddle his thumbs (NFL.com). I actually think this is a fantastic idea, as Collins clearly wasn't cutting the mustard, or maybe wasn't applying enough mustard to begin with - and what better way to mix things up then with a little personnel change? The Tennessee Burnt Toast will start with baby steps next week, as they play anemic Jacksonville. The psychology isn't quite right, however: Jacksonville is the same team that made Tennessee miserable in the 2008 season opener and sent Young to sit on the bench! Then again, it's hard to dig any further once you've hit rock bottom.
Amusing Announcing: The week was not without its share of announcing foibles. On Saturday, Purdue RB Ralph Bolden rushed for a first down, running out of bounds as his shoe flew off and stayed on the field. "Whoa!" cried ESPN2's Ray Bentley. "He hit a pop-top and lost a flip-flop!" I like this, and would love to see more witty wordplay. If a QB completes a pass and is then hit, does he have his song sung and his bell rung?
During the depressing Bears-Bengals contest (which caused me to avoid other Bears fans in my department for a good 72 h), Cardiac Cats wideout/prima-donna Chad Ochocinco was still called "Chad Johnson." Please, announcers! We know it's rather silly, but look at a current version of the team rosters before flappin' your jaws! In the same game, Jay Cutler was criticized for being too hasty in his decisions and "trying to force it inside his tight end." I've commented on the use of similar, (un?)intentionally bawdy phrases before, but this time I'll take the moral high ground and say absolutely nothing.
Obligatory Fighting Nucleophiles Update: All was not lost on Sunday. The Fighting Nucleophiles, official fantasy team of Second and One, came roaring out of the doldrums - just as I predicted - to be my league's weekly point leader. Joseph Addai and the Colts' D slaughtered and roasted the Rams, while Wes Welker and Sidney Rice caught everything that was thrown their way, lead by an overperforming Aaron Rodgers. Also: Unfurl the banners and hire a band: MC has finally started the right tight end! Of course, both did absolutely nothing, but Visanthe Shiancoe did a little less absolutely nothing (if that statement makes any sense at all). I'm up against the guy who has Peyton Manning next week, so it may be time to bring back Knox and Hester against the Cleveland Cellar Dwellers.
I don't care if he's a Patriot, Wes Welker is the finest receiver to ever grace fantasy's fields. Fun Fact: Welker once kicked a field goal and an extra point, recorded a tackle, and fielded both a punt and kickoff return - all in one game, and is only the second NFL player to ever do so - and is also only 5'9"! Source: Jim Davis, Boston Globe, Gratuity.
Football Nuttery at Work, Round N: My research group holds weekly meetings every Wednesday after lunch. Most of this is pretty dry stuff - housekeeping, current fancy chemistry, exotic molecules, graphs, charts and esoteric language - and it wouldn't interest most people outside our insular band of dorks. Yesterday was special. Upon concluding usual opening remarks, the head of our research group looks to us for further questions. One of my colleagues, who had been serious and quiet for days, built up the tension to a burning question for several minutes, and then turned to our group head and piped, "If Oregon beats USC, will they jump ahead of Boise State in the rankings, despite losing to Boise State earlier?" Tension gone! The discussion then turned to BSC predictions, acting out the Statue of Liberty play, and Kyle Orton, amongst other things. Fans: Even though I don't practice what I preach, a little gridiron gab can sometimes stir even the most cadaverous of conferences!
That's all for now. Stay tuned for answers to life's most important questions: Will anyone knock off Iowa? Will Oregon actually beat USC and prove the BCS is broken? Will St. Louis vs. Detroit be Pooper Bowl '08? How many beer cans will Brett Favre get beaned with upon returning to Lambeau Field? Have the G-men hit the skids? Will Congress pass a resolution to fire Jim Zorn? Is Chicago considering coaching turnover as well - and beginning the Cowher/Shanahan watch?
No comments:
Post a Comment