Bears vs. Lions - The Sequel!

My annual Bears trip to Chicago was interesting, to say the very least. 

Originally, my Lions fan better half had booked us two tickets into the city on an early train. We got up at some obscenely early time to get to the station, only to find out that the train would be arriving more than 90 minutes late because the engine had died somewhere near Indianapolis. So, after a brief arm-flailing freakout, we did as any two football nuts would do: we got in the car and plowed through the cornfields at Kamikaze speed (he drove 80+ MPH and I provided directions) and we arrived in Chicago a little after 9 AM CMT. We had a leisurely walk through Grant Park and arrived at Soldier Field, where the guards weren't admitting anyone until 10AM. D'oh.

Built in 1922 and renovated in 2003, Soldier Field currently boasts the smallest stadium capacity of the NFL at 61,500 people. Despite this, the place is very very big, and we had at least two hours of exploring prior to kickoff. Out on the turf, the Bears (and a few Lions) were practicing. We visited a few of the landmarks, including the Colonnades and the Bears Den, where the floor is painted to look like a football field and one can watch Brian Urlacher being interviewed on eighteen separate televisions. People were milling around in Bears gear, looking at display cases of vintage uniforms. 

Colts kickoff-coverage fail, now captured in gigantic mural form. 

Cornerback Charles "Peanut" Tillman works out 90 minutes before kickoff.

As always, I plunked down an arm/leg/first born for United Club seats, and this year's real estate - Section 313 - was prime lakefront property, with a complete, unobstructed view of the field.

The only problem with this property is that later in the game, the sun came out, it got hot, and my SO got so sunburnt that he could have played for the Redskins.

Here's another interesting fact. The Chicago Bears do not have cheerleaders (the management felt that it was "not an acceptable part of game-day experience") and haven't since the 1970s-80s when they fielded a squad called the "Honey Bears." Instead, they have a drumline - a bunch of guys who come out at the beginning of the game and at halftime and make as much noise as possible without actually being annoying. 

I think it's some kind of Jungian psychology: We are going to beat these drums just like the team will beat the opponents.

I had my sunglasses and my drink. Someone from the Chicago Blackhawks sang the national anthem. At last it came to a head. The stands finally filled, the teams lined up, and Robbie Gould booted the rock into the clear September sky...

...And then the Bears' offense proceeded to look as schizophrenic as I've ever seen them. I've seen offenses score 40 points one week and 3 the next, but the stat line for this game was completely ridiculous. Here are some statistics:

-The Lions (as to be expected?) were powerless to do anything (save a few burps, the defense played quite well, including LB's Lance Briggs and Brian Urlacher, who made seventeen tackles between them) and the visitors were held to 168 yards on the day. 

A relaxed Lions secondary stands around on the field. Accurately, this is an adequate description of what they did during the game as well.

-The Bears punted, not once, not twice, not thrice, not four times, but five times - while in Detroit territory. Who punts from their opponent's 38-yard line? I'd try a 60-yard field goal before I'd punt. I can't talk about this anymore. I'm going to have nightmares about this for at least six months.

-The Bears had 463 total yards of offense and gained 6.6 yards per offensive play...and only scored 19 points, due to the four turnovers and 100 yards of penalties. I was starting to wonder whether the Baltimore Ravens had put on Bears' jerseys or if it was some kind of cosmic joke. 

-Before the half, the Bears scored 10 points in 90 seconds. It doesn't beat the record for furious scoring that I've seen (Purdue vs. Michigan in 2009, where the former scored 14 points in nine seconds with a surprise onside kick) - but it was awfully pretty. Was this Mike Martz's actual offense or just a complete meltdown by Detroit?

-Completely awesome play of the day: In the 4th quarter, Jay Cutler sent three receivers and a tight end streaking downfield and to the right to boggle the Lions' safeties. As a result, RB Matt Forte took off down the left sideline uncovered, save only a linebacker huffing and puffing away behind him - touchdown. They went on to whiff the 2-point conversion, but I must ask this. Was this Mike Martz's actual offense or just the stars aligning properly?

This wagon is covered: why wasn't Matt Forte? Source: Ancestry.com

-Completely disastrous play of the day: With 10 minutes left in the fourth quarter, Lions backup QB Shaun Hill was drilled by LB Lance Briggs, upon which he fumbled, giving the Bears the ball on approximately the 1-foot line. At this point in the game, the Bears were down by one point and absolutely needed to score. They needed to move the ball approximately 20 picometers to score. The result: No gain, incompletion, no gain, no gain. Jiminy Freakin' Christmas.

-Also: I'm thoroughly convinced that the Bears have Matthew Stafford's number. Twice, in person, I have seen Stafford get pounded out of the game by the D-line. Last year, DE Adewale Ogunleye bent Stafford's knee in a way that knees are not meant to bend, and this year, DE Julius Peppers apparently attempted to rip Stafford's arm out of the socket because his shoulder is now reportedly separated.

After the Forte touchdown, the Lions moved down the field, and with 31 seconds, Shaun Hill found Calvin Johnson in the corner of the end zone. One official signaled touchdown - one signaled incompletion, and the result was a positively torturous five-minute booth review. After the entire crowd's life-span had been shortened by approximately six years, the official ruled it an incompletion because Johnson waved the ball around as he fell and spun it out of his hands as he hit the turf. This is a violation of the process rule, which states that a receiver must maintain complete possession throughout the entire process of catching the ball, and which the NFL supposedly has been fiercely enforcing.

Now, I will take a "W" on the board any way I can get it. 19-14 is nice. I like seeing Jay Cutler kneeling out the last 30 seconds instead of sulking it up on the sidelines. The officials made the right call and the Bears deserved to win because of that. But I don't agree with the rule. Johnson clearly had the ball, and if we're going to make up goofy rules for what's required before someone has possession, I think we ought to make the rules as absurd as possible. Let's make the receiver walk on his hands from one end zone to the other - with the ball between his feet and while three cornerbacks chase him with a paintball gun - and then we'll call it full control. 

Of course, had the Bears' defense actually done their job on the last drive, there wouldn't have been any debate about whether Johnson had possession of the football or not. I was starting to wonder whether the Buffalo Bills had put on Bear jerseys and come out for this last drive, or if it was some kind of heat-induced hallucination, because I nearly passed out near the end of that game.

This pot is covered. Why wasn't Calvin Johnson? Source: University of Cincinnati.

Anyway, it was a good trip, the Bears are currently undefeated, I've now got cool team flags for my car (or wherever else I may put them), and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. My boyfriend, on the other hand, despite claiming he liked the whole experience (as it was his first NFL game) grumbled away incensed about the call, Stafford, and the sun. Now, if only I can convince him that watching a Lions game is essentially tantamount to organized masochism with beer ads...

To come later: Kollege Kickoff, Week 1 Wackiness, and the Worst Fantasy Weekend...ever.

The Fourth Phase

After a rather lukewarm (and exhausting) couple of days at work, I finally get around to updating: The Bears game was fantastic. Of course, it's always fantastic when your team wins by 24 points, but overall, on the Awesome-O-Meter, where 1 is a kiss from your grandmum and 10 is Brad Pitt drag racing Tom Brady through Death Valley on Christmas, Sunday's classic NFC-style blowout was at least an 8, right between when I passed my qualifying exam in graduate school and the invention of the forward pass. 

The Blues Brothers were spot-on. 

On a beautiful Sunday I arrived at Soldier Field with my friend Tom, (a strange Lions/Bears fan hybrid whom I head up to Chicago with sometimes, and who has an awesome camera), just as a few Bears, not yet in uniform, limbered up on the field and fans began to stream in. 

"Hey man, if I get stuck like this, make sure it's not on ESPN tomorrow."

Tight end Greg Olsen rocks out in pink cleats for breast cancer awareness month.

Everything was perfect: the grass was neatly groomed, the end zone pylons were impeccably placed, every star on the NFC logo was geometrically precise. As we explored the stadium the Bears decided to suit up, and about an hour prior to kickoff, everyone was in full effect, including the fans. I was so wild and hyper at this point that I don't think I held still in one place prior to kickoff, bouncing off walls and caroming around the stadium like a cornerback on methamphetamine.

"If I try hard enough, I can punt this thing into Lake Michigan and make the Lions swim it back. Lovie, we got any snorkels?" (Brad Maynard)

"Darnit, I can't see myself, with my hot pink gloves, on the JumboTron from here!" (Devin Hester)

The Monsters of the Midway were lead onto the field by the Bears' Drumline. Fun Fact: Chicago does not have cheerleaders, but rather, a drum corps organized by the 4th Phase, the Bears' fan organization. It is named as such because there are "four phases" to the Chicago Bears: offense, defense, special teams, and the fan-base.

There are four phases of matter: Solids, Liquids, Gases, and Crazed Bears Fans in a supercritical state.

The game itself began as the Cutler/Stafford Showdown at OK Corral. Matthew Stafford opened up rapidly with deep passes to WR Calvin Johnson that the Bears' secondary was not prepared for, and, aided by several defensive penalties, put up seven points quickly. The Bears answered rapidly as Jay Cutler Air-Jordaned into the end zone for six. 

It's a Second and One Contest O' Captioning!:

a) Quarterback Jay Cutler not only captures the hearts of fans, but the gold medal in gymnastics as well;

b) By channeling the spirit of John Elway, Cutler proves that in addition to the ball he is holding, he has two more;

c) Linebacker: "Uh...what the...?" Announcer: "Touchdown Chicago!"

At the half, the game was tied 21-21. There was more call-and-response than a gospel choir! Stafford again nailed Calvin Johnson, but Cutler found both Kellen Davis and Greg Olsen for another 14. The Lions' offense, I must say, looked surprisingly competent. Bears fans sat on their hands as the drumline took the field for 20 minutes. I went to buy pizza. 

As everyone held their breath, Chicago fired a shot across the bow to re-start the battle. At the beginning of the third, rookie WR Johnny Knox fielded a punt in the end zone, ran it back 102 yards for the score, and at this point, the windows at Soldier Field were just about blowing out. Fun statistic: The Lions put up three points in the second half. Chicago's monster scoring machine continued and put up nine times as many: Matt Forte, in addition to his decent first-half stats, ran one in, as did RB Garrett Wolfe. Has anyone seen Garrett Wolfe? He's the Bears' equivalent of Darren Sproles. At 5'7", he's about the size of an atom of sodium next to linemen who are a foot taller than him, but if there's a play designed properly for him, he's incredibly useful.

The secondary made some adjustments as well, covering Johnson repeatedly with cornerback Charles "Peanut" Tillman, and turning up the pressure on Stafford, who overthrew his receivers and eventually went out with a knee injury as DE Adewale Ogunleye planted him.** Stafford was sacked a total of five times and turned the ball over twice. Before I knew it, the game was over, and the Bears had put up a staggering 48 points, dashing Detroit's hopes for a winning streak as the former went to 3-1. The second half and the subsequent loss was, to quote Lions coach Jim Schwartz, "one of the worst" he's seen.

Chicago: Thank you Lord, for this beautiful Sunday and the generous 48 points! 

Detroit: Thank you Lord, for only embarrassing us by 24 instead of 31. @#%&! #*%&@@!!!

So what did the Bears do right? 

a) Proving that they can finish a game: Again, the Bears prove that under pressure, they can do more than simply play defense when the game resumes at the half. It's all about making the "necessary adjustments" - like taking rookie CB Zackery Bowman off of Calvin Johnson and upping their pass-rush.

b) Actually playing defense when the game resumes at the half: The Bears have won three games since MLB Brian Urlacher's season-ending wrist dislocation. In addition to Urlacher, the team is also without linebackers Pisa Tinoisamoa and Hunter Hillenmeyer, and yet they don't seem to be suffering too much at this position as Nick Roach and Lance Briggs have more than compensated, aiding in forcing the Lions to four consecutive 3-and-outs in the second halves.

c) Delivery by Air-Mail: Is there anyone who Jay Cutler is not throwing to? He's got his tight ends. He's got Knox, Bennett, Hester, Forte as the option, and this confuses defenses if executed properly. Although the logistics of the deep pass are still being worked out, the Bears also have a bye week now, leaving Knox (shin) and Hester (shoulder) plenty of time to get healthy. Who next? Who's wide-out? Who's in the slot? The center? Walk-on fans? "Ineligible receiver downfield?" What's that mean, anyway? I won't say that Cutler is the next Tom Brady, (Chicago Tribune) but, as one fan remarked to me during the game, "It's so good to have a quarterback."

d) Special Teams that are actually Special, and not Special: The Bears won the field position battle, starting multiple drives from midfield or inside enemy lines. Their average starting field position: The Lions' 46 yard line. Why is this? To me, the answer is rather simple: teams are scared stiff to kick off to the Bears, who have three kids who can and have very easily run a few back: Knox, Hester, and free safety Danieal Manning*(who now acts as the nickel back on pass plays when Craig Steltz plays at FS, so he's probably the least threatening of the three). Still, as a result, opponents tend to kick either deep into the end zone, content on punting into the nearest body of water or the concession stands, or they kick short, high, or out of bounds to avoid the stigma of being another team who thought they could kick to Devin Hester and get away with it. 

***

What, now, becomes of the Lions? Well, without Stafford, who still threw for 296 yards and one TD against the Bears, I'm afraid not much. The Lions will not survive another season of quarterback roulette, and the rookie brings a jolt of athleticism, accuracy, and intelligence to a franchise that's been screwed sideways for the better part of half-a-century. If anything, the Lions have proven that they can score points, but still have a hard time overcoming what the Detroit News calls "Jeckyll and Hyde Syndrome" - the nagging psychological propensity for slipping into a coma at the half and not waking up in time. (Detroit News). If this can be erased by some means -prayer, chanting, blowing into paper bags, covering up the scoreboard so the players can't tell what quarter it is, something - the Lions' increasingly cohesive offense may eventually work out their first road victory in two years. Or maybe not.

***

After the game, I joined the mass exodus of wild fans prancing back through Grant Park, and realized that my dad, a fellow Bears fan whom I've mentioned numerous times, had left me numerous voicemail messages as he followed the game. "Robbie Gould from 50 yards! Go Bears!" "That Penalty on Alex Brown was not a face-mask or a horse-collar. What a BS call!" "Wow. You guys really have a beautiful day down there."

That we did, Dad. That we did.

Tomorrow: A suitably less Bears-centric recap from around the rest of the league, now with more Brett Favre!

Also, a special thanks goes out to Tom for a) good, like-minded company, b) being able to take pictures where I was too jittery to do so. 

*A lesser-known an under-appreciated Manning of the NFL.

**Q. What's blue and white and green all over? A. Matthew Stafford on Sunday afternoon.

Second and One - In the Windy City!

Ahh, Chicago! I am looking out the window of a friend's 28th-floor Michigan Avenue apartment, and realize that I would have a fantastic view of Soldier Field if not for two new high-rise towers recently erected in the sightline. Regardless, it's a 20-minute walk to the stadium tomorrow morning, and I plan on exploring and taking lots of pictures for this blog.

I arrived this morning and have had a great time thus far - I spent a lot of time in Chicago as a kid. My parents grew up and eventually met here, and many of my relatives are still in Illinois. I have some very fond memories of this place. 

Everyone has the Big Ten Network here, so today I watched Michigan/Michigan State with a friend of a friend and ate too much pizza, had sushi at O Y SY on Michigan Avenue, and have been attempting to take pictures of the night skyline, much to the disapproval of my camera.

I am totally wound up on adrenaline for tomorrow's game. I've been having a hard time concentrating at work for several days now; I'm like a little kid on Christmas Eve, unable to sleep, giddy with anticipation, and generally wacky. Absolutely nothing in the world can do this to me quite like the promise of seeing my favorite team in the morning. From the literary/journalistic standpoint, however, when I'm nervy and twitchy like this, I generally have a hard time coming up with anything witty to say and instead default to tight end jokes and making fun of the Lions/Jake Delhomme/People with funny names, so a brief entry highlighting two of the early college games - and Second and One's picks for tomorrow- sounds like a safe bet.

Nobody Bites the Dust, Except for Purdue, Who Just Bites : The BCS computer has been re-programmed, and besides Michigan (whom nobody thinks should have been ranked #22 anyway), having the Tate Forcier Show cancelled in East Lansing, everyone who was favored to win...actually won. Statistically, however, Purdue, after losing to Oregon by two points, has blown its next four games by seven points or less. In 2008, Purdue, after losing to Oregon by six, went on to drop four of its next five games. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Truly Special Special Teams: Down by four and 4th and inches on their own 16 yard line, Michigan punter Zoltan Mesko* decided it was a perfect time for a fake punt. Those experienced with what to do on 4th down likely all called out in unison "He did WHAT?!" upon reading. Mesko attempted to run through a crease, and the play imploded from eighteen different directions as a herd of Spartans closed the hole and tackled Mesko behind the line of scrimmage. The result: turnover on downs and instant field goal, just add water! While I admire the guy's fortitude, for heaven's sake, there is a time when you should actually just punt, already! Michigan went on to lose the game in overtime, proving that despite the bright maize stripes on their helmets, their dominant color vs. the Spartans is blue.

That's a Penalty?: At the end of the 4th quarter, Notre Dame executed two consecutive goal line stands against Washington, who just couldn't punch it in no matter how hard they tried. The second goal line stand, however, arose as as result of a "roughing the snapper" penalty against ND when Washington gave up and attempted to kick for three. How exactly does one go about "roughing the snapper?" Poking his eyes out from across the neutral zone? 

Watch the Game, Already!: After Washington finally kicked and tied the game 30-30, one of the NBC announcers went on to extol both teams' "phenomenal defense." Um...both teams scored thirty points on each other! What defense? Had the game been tied at 3-3 at this point, it would be phenomenal defense. I would have said "Both teams have phenomenal offense, and both think that 'defense' is what you build around "de farm."

And now, my picks for tomorrow's NFL matchups:

Cincinnati @ Cleveland: Are the Bengals for real? After upsetting both the Packers and the Steelers, they have all of the momentum on their side. Carson Palmer looks decent, and who knows what kind of ridiculous celebrations are in order if Chad Ochocinco scores. Cleveland, reeling from a nauseating crushing by Baltimore, has switched Brady Quinn for Derek Anderson. However, they still haven't put the ball into the end zone for almost a month, and are 31st in points, 32nd in total yardage, 31st in pass yardage, and 29th on the ground. Despite the possibly refreshing personnel change, I will take Cincinnati. 

Seattle @ Indianapolis: Seattle is still hurting physically, and is mentally demoralized by being sucker-punched by Chicago last week. QB Matt Hasselbeck is unlikely to start, and several linemen are out. The Colts are looking for their 13th straight victory, with Peyton Manning leading the AFC in passer rating (is he amazing or what?). The 'Hawks and Colts haven't matched up well before, with Seattle winning three of the last four, but the game is in Indy, thus factoring Seattle's uppity "12th man" from the equation almost entirely. Indianapolis by at least 7, but expect hilarity as the question of "which team has the bigger headcase kicker?" is answered. Also, are we going to see ugly uniforms? Uglier throwback uniforms?

New York Jets @ New Orleans: Imagine two trains traveling at high speeds toward each other. They then collide spectacularly, stunning bystanders and throwing sparks and smoke into the air in their devastating wake. It's not a disaster movie, it's the battle of the red-hot 3-0s! This is the contest to watch! Sanchez is Sensational, Brees is Bombastic, both teams run well, and both Ds are fantastic! I honestly don't know what to expect here, and I waver back and forth between a low-scoring defensive slugfest, and an offensive shootout. However, as the Jets struggled in the home stretch against the Houston Oilers Tennesee Titans last week, I will pick New Orleans.

Detroit @ Chicago: And we conclude with the centerpiece of my weekend. Both teams are jacked on momentum. Detroit finally eeked one out and no longer carries the stigma of being that team that loses every week. Chicago has proven that they can get their act together and win where it counts, and Cutler is finally starting to develop a fine chemistry with his receiving corps. Nonetheless, Chicago has yet to open up a running game this season. Will Matt Forte finally open the door, despite Detroit's rush defense ranking a surprising 16th? Where Detroit might hurt is that while Cutler has been around the league for a while and knows how to play at a pro level, Matt Stafford begins his 4th NFL game as is a rookie who makes rookie mistakes, leaving the Lions' offense rather amorphous, if not still somewhat shaky - Picture a Lion cub that has just been born. Tiny, staggering, closed eyes, baby steps, learning to hunt - this is the Lions' offense now. If they can win a few more this season, the next few years may see this cub growing into a frightening, roaring, NFC North predator. However, a lion cub will not survive a mauling by full-grown bears. I pick Chicago.

Well, goodnight football fans! Remember kids, if you think that...ah,  heck with it. Bear down!

EDIT: (10:51 CMT) Perhaps I spoke way too soon about the upsets. #17 (Miami) has knocked off #8 (Oklahoma) by a single point, and UTEP (whoever that is) is up 10 on Houston (#12). Will we need a re-boot after all?