David and Goliath

In this special edition of Kollege Kickoff, Second and One solutes the underdogs. This Saturday, more than a few Other Ones Bit the Dust, and there were a fair share of darn good near-upsets as well! 

Big 12 Edition, In Which My Mass Spectroscopist Has a Stroke: In Lincoln, Nebraska, Red Raider QB Steven Sheffield (subbing for the injured Taylor Potts) began the game by completing 14 of his first 16 passes and an early touchdown. Six minutes later, Nebraska fumbled on a botched lateral and Tech ran it back 82 yards to the house to put the Red Raiders up 14-0. Technically (heh) Tech's defense let Nebraska move up and down the field (Tech was slightly edged out in both total and rushing yards) - but they simply did not let them score. the 'Huskers couldn't get it in the end zone until more than six minutes into the 4th period. A miracle comeback couldn't be staged by Pelini and Company*, and #15 was blasted out of the sky. In other news, the agonized wails of my group's mass spectroscopist (whom I've described before as being the most die-hard of the die-hard Husker fans) are reported to have been heard all the way to France.  

What do you mean we're losing by 21!? Fire that scoreboard operator for such a silly error!! Source: AP/Dave Weaver 

Big 12 Edition, In Which Mangino Chokes on a "Cupcake:" First, an intellectual pseudo-point o' contention: does anybody know what the proper pluralization of buffalo actually is? Isn't it just the singular buffalo, like deer or cattle? Or is it buffalos?Buffaloes (as Colorado says it is? Tomatos? Tomatoes?) Second and One also notes that technically, there are no true buffalo in North America. The majestic beasts that roam the sweeping plains of the US are bison - the term "buffalo" is used to describe African buffalo and Asian water buffalo, which the American bison actually has very little relation to. (Wikipedia) But this is likely a moot point, as there are currently no wolverines in Michigan, either.**

Anyway, the 1-4 Colorado Buffaloes Buffalo Buffalos Bison were statistically outgained in total yardage by the undefeated Kansas Jayhawks - by 101 yards. The Jayhawks depended on the pass the entire game, literally. They tried to run and got pushed back 8 yards, whereas Colorado had over 140 yards on the ground, making the game look like an infantry division versus an air raid. The Buffaloes had fewer first downs, fewer yards per pass, more turnovers, and more penalties - and won the game by four. How? A last-second pair of swatted-down passes kept Kansas out of the end zone, and #17 fell to its knees.  

Big 10 Edition, In Which Purdue Breathes A Collective Sigh of Relief That They Don't Suck Nearly As Hard As They Thought They Did: Now here's the real stunner of the day: At 5-1, Jim Tressel's Buckeyes seemed an unstoppable force, shooting up through the BCS standings to #7. On the other end, the Purdue Boilermakers, whom I've been following asThe Team the Football Gods Hate, have been plagued by turnovers, leading the nation in slop, error, and just plain bad luck. After blowing five games straight, the team was dejected and fans were woeful and angry, calling new head coach Danny Hope "Danny Hopeless"(Purdue Exponent). The chemistry department at Purdue was no doubt working on a secret adhesive to bond footballs specifically to the team's hands.***  

What everyone failed to notice, however, is that Purdue's offense was a sleeping, dangerous giant. Even after five losses (none of which were by more than seven points), Purdue's Joey Elliot lead the conference in pass yardage and average yards per game. Purdue RB Ralph Bolden was #2 in rushing and 3rd in all-purpose yards. Purdue wideout Keith Smith was #2 in everything, and punt returner/general whiz kid Aaron Valentin leads the conference in all-purpose. (ESPN Big Ten Blog). Purdue's offense was fourth in the division, with an astonishing 410 yards per game on average. In addition, kicker Carson Wiggs holds the school record for longest field goal - by six yards - beating only his own previous record, and has made three of his past 16 field goals from 50 yards or longer. (More scary Wiggs stats c/o Purdue Exponent). Good LORD! If Purdue had committed only half as many turnovers, this team would have been a formidable, ranked scoring machine.

Welcome to West Lafayette, Mr. Pryor. Now would you like to be buried or cremated? Source: AP/Darron Cummings

It is this fact precisely that Ohio State failed to acknowledge. They underestimated and looked past Purdue and QB Joey Elliot, who channeled the aura of Drew Brees and passed for 281 yards, 14 points, and only one pick - and the overconfident Buckeyes suffered for it. Of course, some fans and astute observers also had clued into the possibility that the Boilers were a dark horse. The night before the game, my buddy Tom called me and said, "You know, MC, I just have this feeling. I just have this feeling that this is a trap game." Tom - if you're out there reading - kudos for calling that one!

Purdue first took the lead by a fire-drill field goal in the final ticks of the first half, and then opened it up in the third. Their greatest lead was by 16 points, and they finished ahead by 8. In stark contrast to yesterday's other upsets, where the underdogs were statistically edged out but still won, the Boilermakers dominated every conceivable category, only falling short in yards per pass simply because they passed more. The Purdue defense forced five turnovers, including four by extremely frustrated quarterback Terelle Pryor (whom they also sacked three times), and the Boiler team as a whole played cleanly and with extreme discipline, committing only one penalty for negative yardage (a false start). Good heavens, when did these guys grow some fortitude?! Sure, everyone and their brother realizes that the Big Ten is normally a giant Mobius Strip of win/loss-by-proxy (e.g., we spanked the team that stomped the team that obliterated us in week 2, etc.), but a shocker like this really makes people scratch their chins, especially when the team doing the shocking hasn't beaten a ranked opponent in six years! This is why we love college football! 

How Did We Get Out of That One?!: In addition to the epic upsets, there were a few close shaves that could have easily nicked some major arteries. Had Oklahoma (16) QB Sam Bradford not been re-injured in the first quarter of the Red River Rivalry, there's a chance #3 Texas may have been in trouble. Florida? Winning by a field goal in the last 9 seconds of the game against unranked Arkansas? Cold day in the underworld! USC, stopping Notre Dame in the red zone as the clock ran down in regulation? What on Earth is going on? Iowa (11) not waking up until halftime against a team that calls themselves the "Badgers"? Tulsa coming within 7 of menacing Boise State (5)? Maintenance check on the BCS computer, please!

***

Now, NFL Picks for Week Six: 

New York Giants @ New Orleans: When I was all of 19 years old, I learned in college physics that an object in motion will remain in motion unless acted upon by an outside force. I find now that this applies to football as well. Both teams are coming into this one with an awful lot of scary, undefeated raw inertia, and it's often hard to call games like this without looking at lots and lots of little details, which I don't have time to do. Eli Manning, who is second in fantastical quarterbacking ability only to his big brother, is playing with a tender injured foot. When Eli doesn't feel well, things don't click perfectly 100% of the time. The Saints have a first-class run/pass attack that seems very hard to stop, and the linchpin of this whole thing may easily come down to the Saints' offense vs. the Giants' defense. Home-field advantage may make a difference here, so I'm picking Big Easy over Big Blue.  

Baltimore @ Minnesota: For 39 straight games, it was easier trying to rush against a parked semi than trying to rush against Baltimore - the Blackbirds did not allow 100 yards on the ground until last week's breakout by Cedric Benson. More bad psychology! Now, whether this was a fluke or not- collapsing only one time out of forty is pretty good - remains to be seen, but it's a terrible week to be in that situation, as the Ravens are up against Adrian Peterson. Even if they can corral Purple Jesus, they force a still-accurate Brett Favre to throw to a talented receiving corps, which is another tough situation to be in. In order to win, the Ravens are going to have to stop the run, blitz their brains out, and not draw costly penalties! Of course, the offense will have to do their part too, and although they're strong, they're unpredictable at best. As much as I'd like to see someone whack the Vikes, I don't believe it will happen here. Minnesota.

Chicago @ Atlanta: Both teams are in a statistical dead heat. The Bears have a better passing game but a good run defense. The Falcons have a better run game but good pass defense. The Bears' D-line can reliably make life totally miserable for a quarterback up against them. Matt Ryan has only been sacked twice all season. In both teams' previous games, they blew out their opponents. In dead heat games, one of two things can happen. In some cases, the two teams just whack up against each other like fists on a brick wall, and a low-scoring game results. In other cases, both teams can find their opponents' Achilles' heels, and unless adjustments are made, you get a greater shootout than the Matrix trilogy. Chicago's Achilles heel: injuries in their slow-starting secondary. Atlanta's Achilles heel: they're outgained on special teams. This is probably going to be one of those games where someone wins by a field goal - which the Bears, with Robbie "Good as" Gould are better at doing. But again, we're evened out: Ludacris once rapped "I wanna get you in the Georgia Dome, on the 50-yard-line, while the Dirty Birds kick for three..." So because I can't sort out the yin-yang mess that is these two teams, I consider myself, as a Bears fan, too biased to call this game, and step aside. So let's do it this way. To the readers: Flip a coin. If it's heads, like the Bears' level-headed defense, the Monsters of the Midway will win. But if it's tails, like the feathered plumage of the flashy Ryan/Turner/White show, the Falcons have it.  

Is there any predictive power in Ludacris' lewd lyrics? Source: beattrend.com 

There we have it. I won't call a fourth game this week because I'm trying to finish my fantasy lineups. News + witticisms later. 

*Am I the only person who thinks this sounds like a beauty salon?

**I say "currently" because there used to be.

***Boy, I hope it would be specific. Otherwise, the officials would start suspecting funny business when kickers got their feet stuck to the balls and the QB's hands became cemented under the center's backside.