Seahawks, Sleepwalking, and more on that darned Scoreboard

Posting here at Second and One will slow down over the next few days; I have a family emergency that now takes priority over disjointed rambling about football.

For our weekend NFL action recap:

Oops, I Did It Again: Is there anyone in the entire league who knows how to take a team from the boulevard to the junkyard more than Jake Delhomme? Delhomme lead the Big Black Cats to an easy score at the two minute warning just before the half. However, Delhomme's fumble, two interceptions, and subsequent "aw, Shucks!" gesticulating finally allowed a sleepwalking Cowboys team to win one in Jerry Jones' football palace. What a depressing collapse. Delhomme has now turned the ball over eight times this season. Ladies and Gents: The Panthers have returned to their playoff form. Second and One asks this question: How is Jake Delhomme like a SCUD missile? Both are on the offense, but terribly inaccurate! Also: Nobody has managed to punt into the scoreboard yet (I was disappointed), but other inconveniences are now arising at the new Cowboys Stadium: supposedly the game clock is located in a place where the players practically cannot see it. 

Aww, CCCRRRRRAAAAAPPP!!! (Dunno Source)

It's the Lions! Get in the Car: Detroit has finally snapped an 19-game losing streak, by putting up 19 points...against Washington's 14! Huzzah! It was a beautiful day: RB Clinton Portis was stopped on a goal line stand, the offense drove a contiguous 99 yards and scored, Matt Stafford did not turn the ball over, Coach Jim Schwartz sent his team out after a postgame meeting and prayer to celebrate with the fans, rainbows filled the sky, angels came down from heaven, and center Dominic Raiola blew kisses to the crowd. I'm serious on that last one: the jubilations can be read about here (c/o Yahoo Sports) Our long national nightmare is over: and, if this continues on the Redskins' side, so is Jim Zorn's job.

Bear Down! Continuing with the NFC Central's sweep, the Monsters of the Midway scraped out another aneurysm-inducing win against the Seattle Seahawks. The Bears started slowly, and were down 13-0 at one point, coming from behind as the defense woke up and Cutler utilized an arsenal of receivers (Bennett, Olsen, Forte on the option, Knox) - ending with a go-ahead touchdown to Devin Hester, silencing Seattle's "12th man." However, there are strange things afoot. Last week, Steelers kicker Jeff Reed missed two field goals, and this week, Seattle kicker Olindo Mare also missed two. If this continues next week, I will conclude that the Bears have a magical machine that causes opposing kickers to send the ball 20 yards wide of the uprights. A miniature fan? Magnets in the football? An ultrasonic pulse that distracts everyone but Robbie Gould? 

The Seahawks' ugly uniforms temporarily blinded the Bears, leading them to a slow start. (Source: Chicago Tribune)

Drew Brees! Drew Brees! Drew Brees! Brett Favre! Brett Favre! Brett Favre! Drew Brees did not throw a touchdown this week, as the Saints kept it on the ground (no doubt shocking the cornerbacks, who had been scared witless all week) and thus have revoked my prognosticating privileges for the next N years. Brett Favre executed this positively sick Hail Mary pass, finding Greg Lewis with two seconds left to win it for the Vikes. (Vikings Fan Dome). Announcers are now referring to any similar end zone-seeking freak-show as "Favreian." Stop the presses and alert the OED! We have a new word! Next week the undefeated Vikings take on the Packers, in what will be the greatest exhibition of blood-sport since the gladiator days.

Amusing Announcing: 

Keith Olbermann: "Texans and Titans - The battle to see who's Johnson is bigger in this game."

Unknown College Announcer: "...Hit him like a bottle of Bacardi."

When You're a Jet, You're a Jet all the Way: Who is this Mark Sanchez kid? Did he really throw two TDs against the Titans? Did he also seriously run one in in for good measure? Was he really the first rookie QB in the league to win his first three games? Did he do it all and still only throw for one more yard than Kerry Collins? While I'm asking too many questions, what on earth's happened to the Titans?! (Lots O' Fun Stats c/o ESPN)

Obligatory Fighting Nucleophiles Update: After getting ground into a fine powder in week 2, the Fighting Nucleophiles, official fantasy team of Second and One, came back swinging. I followed my instinct and switched Boss for Eagles TE Brent Celek, who hauled in a touchdown pass from David Kolb and and 16 points. Brandon Jacobs and Joseph Addai both put 6 on the scoreboard, as did Devin Hester and Bears WR Johnny Knox (who I picked up as a free agent to sub for the injured Wes Welker). Add this to Aaron Rodgers, and I was my league's point-leader for the week. Lookin' good.

Next week, barring anything catastrophic happening, Second and One will be visiting Soldier Field again to commune with the Great Ones as they attempt to school Detroit harder than Robocop. A special "I Was THERE" entry to come!

Remember kids: 

Vikings conquer, Packers pound,

Colts stampede and Chargers ground,

Lions roar and Cowboys ride,

Broncos buck, but Bucs get fried,

To the playoffs, Saints are fated,

Patriots fight, but Raiders, raided.

Titans clash and Steelers rust, 

Giants shrink and Bengals bust,

and those who play Bears end in dust.