Here we go!

This weekend (as in, the period between Thursday and Monday) marks the start of the 2009 college football season. As I do live near a major university (as in, one of the ones you can see playing on television in a major conference), there is a football stadium which I pass on my morning commute. And yesterday, they were testing the scoreboard, which really hit home that there is going to be an actual game this weekend. I was excited all day, to say the very least. I was so excited about college ball starting I could barely sleep last night, turning over and over, my mind pondering such deep, philosophical questions as "will Virginia Tech pound Nick Saban and Company harder than one hammering in a goalpost?" 

But it's nice to see I'm not alone: some of my friends have returned to their alma maters in the holiest of sports pilgrimages, and even our resident mass spectroscopist (a diehard University of Nebraska fan) has returned to commune with the Cornhuskers rather than analyze noxious substances we've cooked up in the laboratory. Now here is a man who has his priorities straight!

Of course, one might wonder why I haven't done such a thing myself, to which I answer this: My alma mater's entire football team is generally so bad that they couldn't coach a football onto the kickoff tee. 

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The hullaballoo up at Michigan continues. Names of some of the players who blew the whistle are being released, and Michigan president Mary Sue Coleman has launched a formal investigation into the matter, hiring Gene Marsh, the former chairman of the NCAA's infractions board, to assist. President Coleman's statement can be found here. (ESPN). And things are now getting even messier for our friends the Wolverines. In addition to the friction over the NCAA violation, it was revealed Thursday that one of Coach Rodriguez's business partners, a fellow from Clemson (were RichRod was an offensive coordinator), has been indicted on five counts of fraud. (Gory Details c/o the Detroit Free Press) The details are too good to pass up: Rodriguez and this dubious guy were involved in a failed condominium development where they defaulted on a loan and were later all sued for a substantial sum of money. In addition, Rodriguez's friend was charged with theft of a large, undisclosed chunk of change from his business to finance home decoration and cosmetic surgery. No, you cannot make this stuff up. I wonder how deep this Mess in Michigan goes. Was the NCAA turning the other way? Was Jimmy Hoffa involved? JFK and Elvis? Vampire Communists? 9-11? The Committee to Re-Elect the President? Additional reactions around the blogosphere to the Accusations in Ann Arbor can be found here. (Detroit Free Press).  

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Also from Detroit, it has been announced that the Motor City Bowl (generally considered a traditional holiday activity by Michigan State and Central Michigan fans) has been re-named the Little Caesars Pizza Bowl (Reuters),* as the auto manufacturers no longer have enough money to purchase bowl tickets, let alone sponsor a bowl game. Second and One suggests the following names may be more appropriate, however:

Apocalyptic Death Bowl

Robocop Bowl

Big Three Bailout Bowl

Where's Our Stimulus Money Bowl

CMU Chippewas Versus Whoever Bowl

Dominos Bread Pasta Bowl

Another nail in the coffin for Detroit, sadly. Plans to re-name Ford Field "Taco Bell Stadium" are now underway. 

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And now for another food/football crossover: around the rest of the college universe, I saw Indiana University open vs. Eastern Kentucky on Thursday night. The game was mostly slop and error, ending on a failed Hail Mary by EKU, who actually looked pretty convincing. Keep in mind that IU finished 3-9 last season, ending by giving up 62 points against bloodthirsty rival Purdue, whom, despite playing like they were 10-2, were actually 4-8. Anyway, IU now continues on next week against the menacing Akron Zips, whatever those are. They sound like candy one might get at the movie theater. 

Readers are waiting for the food bit. I was more amused that all of the game's coverage was sponsored by Velveeta and Ro-Tel (purveyor of spices and salsa). I think they ought to make this a regular occurrence. Does anyone hear a Salsa con Queso Bowl? Or maybe, since they were playing Eastern Kentucky, whose mascot is nothing more than a suave-looking Colonel Sanders, a KFC bowl?

 

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Outside of the Big Ten, Oregon (No. 16) executed the Single Worst Opening Weekend Game I've ever seen, as they skittered around aimlessly on the Smurf Turf at Boise State. Their drives for the first half were as follows: Third and out, third and out, third and out, third and out, LeGarrette Blount getting pushed back into the end zone for a safety, false start, third and out. The Ducks were stuffed over and over, did not get a first down until there were seven minutes remaining in the third quarter, and ended down by eleven points. Fail. The cherry on top of the Sundae of Suck? Blount, no doubt incensed over the subsequent roasting of the stuffed Ducks, found himself afterwards on the receiving end of a slap in the pads by Boise State defensive end Byron Hout. Blount promptly decked Hout in the jaw, and had to be restrained by police and hauled off the field. The graphic extracurriculars (warning: it's really not pretty) can be seen courtesy of ESPN. As a result, Blount has been banned for the rest of the season, thus ending his tenure at Oregon, and the Ducks are looking awfully lame. Well-played, LeGarrette!

To come later: news from around the NFL. Time to go watch some football! Remember kids: if you're 4th and 12 repeatedly, that's exactly what your season record is going to be. 

*I didn't even know Little Caesars Pizza still existed, to be honest, as I haven't eaten Little Caesars since before I was in college, which now feels like approximately since the Devonian Era.