Why did you do that? No, really, why did you do that?

Hot off the press: the New England Patriots have traded QB Matt Cassel and OLB Mike Vrabel to the Kansas City Chiefs...for the 34th pick. No doubt, those who are experienced with football trades and follow the sport religiously (and moreso than I) are shaking their heads at this point. I am honestly not sure what to think about this. A lot of analysis is beginning to surface over exactly why the Pats did this, and I think the forgone conclusion is that nobody has any real clue. The Chiefs are certainly getting something good out of it - it was proposed at the end of 2008 that if released, Cassel, who has spent most of his pro career polishing the bench with his butt, would print more dough than the Philadelphia Mint. No doubt those in KC are sighing gently with hopes that their run of positively abysmal seasons may be approaching sunset legislation. Also, even though Vrabel's getting on in years, he is a talented and experienced linebacker who has at least a couple more seasons of forcing turnovers. 

But what are the Patriots getting out of this, other than their second-round trade? I think it's a bit of a gamble. Brady is returning from practically an entire season out, and sometimes, these sort of severe injuries can majorly disrupt a quarterback's rhythm. Even minor injuries -Kyle Orton's ankle injury against the Lions in 2008-can be detrimental; after only several weeks of recovery, Orton stunk for pretty much the rest of the season. If Tom Brady suddenly forgets how to throw a football, what do the Patriots have? Moss and Welker can't do a whole lot if there's nobody to throw it to them. On the other hand, had the Pats kept Cassel and Brady returned, unchanged, as if cryogenically frozen for a whole year, Cassel would have returned to his sideline loitering. 

To re-summarize those conclusions from the sportswriter buzz; I have no clue why this happened. 

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In other news, the Detroit Lions traded Jon Kitna to the Dallas Cowboys, where he will be fetching Tony Romo's Gatorade for the next N years. My friend described this as a continuation of Detroit's desire to siphon all of their failure down to Dallas (see synonyms at "Roy Williams"). Heaven only knows how this will end. 

Speaking of the Lions also, the Bears have released Rex Grossman, who now pipes up that he would like to play in Detroit. Forget the gunslinging style, the erratic start-and-go offensive blundering, the "close-your-eyes-and-chuck it"-mentality, the interceptions, the drama, the sobbing on the sidelines, the inability to concentrate on anything, and the all-purpose suckitude...I have found the one reason he is not a Bear anymore. The Lions! He wants to play for the Lions! The 98 dollar-question: can he get it to Calvin Johnson? If so, there might be some good chemistry, if not, endless ways to make fun of the Lions next season, especially if Grossman makes Orlovsky-esque snafus!*

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Someone asked me via e-mail last week what I thought of the Indianapolis Colts' release of WR Marvin Harrison after 13 years. Harrison was a great receiver, no questions asked - but in recent years he had been riddled with injuries and I think he's probably past his prime. After all, he wished to be released (was it over taking a pay cut? I can't remember); and the Colts simply honored his wishes. His future's probably uncertain, but there's my take on that. More news to come later!

Remember kids, if you think the "tackle box" is what you take to go fishing, you should not be playing quarterback.

*I may have posted this earlier, but Orlovsky made one of the stupidest moves I have ever seen in football, right between "That rookie from Dallas who lost the ball on the one-yard line prematurely celebrating a touchdown" and "The punter from Minnesota who turned the ball over to the Bears because he dropped the ball, and after a defender touched it, picked it up and tried to kick it again." Dan Orlovsky, pinned back practically on his own goal line, got caught in a blitz and promptly skittered out the back of his own end zone, giving up a safety. Not only was it the one game the Lions could have won (the two points, were, of course, the differential), but it was positively humiliating. (Even moreso than Rod "#*&%#ing! #$&*!" Marinelli's profane outbursts) Joe Flacco later described how, when under pressure, he almost "Pulled an Orlovsky," and, of course, Urban Dictionary has now timelessly preserved this moment of idiocy. Note: other entries on that page are not appropriate for bosses, small children, and English majors.