Draft

Did anyone watch the draft this past weekend? I had the opening round on as ambient noise, from Commissioner Goodell's opening remarks, through the Giants and Jets fans going ballistic, to the Drew Brees cameo, while I fooled around in my house and played games on my computer. I didn't see the other six rounds, as one night I had to go to some kind of work function and the second night I was with a group of people who wanted to watch Avatar instead (which, despite looking silly in the previews, was actually a decent movie). I have had this entry written for about four days now, but a whole host of things at work caused me to neglect it. I was, however, sent a variety of e-mails and was reading various news sites all weekend, where I discovered that some very unexpected things happened in the 2010 draft.

What the...? The first, of course, is that Tim Tebow got drafted in the first round by the Denver Broncos, whose "continually trade down" strategy seemed to confuse everyone. Of course, this climactic part of the draft came when I decided it would be a good idea to take a shower, so I was left standing there soaking wet trying to figure out what had just happened. Tim Tebow to the Broncos? Did I slip on the soap and hit my head? First of all, by drafting Tebow, I don't think the Broncos organization is showing the public that they have a lot of faith in Kyle Orton (or Brady Quinn for that matter) unless they plan to play Tebow off-position*, which seems extraordinarily unlikely. More concerning, I'm not sure Tebow's SEC-style is a good fit for the Broncos' offense, which seems to be built around short passes and trying to psych out the opponents' cornerbacks, or at least until the team totally collapses around mid-November. Nonetheless, some teams have made this work (albeit inconsistently) like the Titans, and I believe Vince Young's success last season raised Tebow's stock considerably, but more often these experiments fail hopelessly (see synonyms at "Tarvaris Jackson" and "JaMarcus Russell"). 

So Suh Me: The Lions, who have been attempting to rebuild their team since approximately the Eisenhower administration, drafted both Cal RB Jahvid Best and 307-lb Nebraska tackling machine Ndamukong Suh. Now, we here at Second and One just love people with funny names, and according to many sources, the name "Ndamukong," in some tribal language from Cameroon, means "House of Spears." Is there a cooler name for a defensive tackle than that? He might as well be called "Killer" or "I'll tear your ACL." Can you imagine this guy pounding Brett Favre or Jay Cutler into the grass? It's enough to give offensive linemen an instant stroke, if the 10 cheeseburgers they eat every day doesn't do that first. Additionally, the Lions drafted a cornerback and a defensive end, along with -wait for it- another wide receiver. 

Nevermind the obvious questions like "Is he a good fit for the Lions' defensive scheme?" or "how does he feel about living in Detroit?" - Does he really have a house of spears!? (Source: jetswit.com)

One of the great cognitive disconnects in football, to me, are the defensive backs whom, despite being total animals on the field, are the nicest guys you could possibly imagine when they're not playing football. Ndamukong Suh seems like this kind of guy. Nice and soft-spoken, and also donated several million dollars to his alma mater for a scholarship fund. How about Jonathan Vilma, who's a linebacker for the Saints, who donated tons of money to disaster relief in Haiti? Or Charles Tillman, who lobbies congress and the FDA to approve experimental heart treatments? Or my favorite, Troy Polamalu, who admits his favorite hobbies are spending time with his wife, playing the piano, and gardening? It's extremely hard to imagine someone who earns a paycheck by assaulting people for 60 minutes every Sunday coming home and re-potting begonias. 

What the...? Part 2: The Bears, in round 6, drafted Central Michigan University QB Dan LeFevour, who is best known for his MAC record-breaking run-and-gun style. Yes, read it again. The Bears had long talked about adding a veteran QB as Jay Cutler insurance, but absolutely nobody expected them to take a rookie. However, as a Bears fan, I'm rather excited about this prospect (and, if my comments were still functional, I'd probably be spammed into oblivion by pessimistic Bears fans). Here's why. 1. The Bears need QB depth. Period. Caleb Hanie hasn't taken a snap in who-knows how long and the team is one twisted ankle away of having Devin Hester try to throw the ball and run down the field to catch it. 2. I have actually seen LeFevour play several times (albeit, against my favorite college team), and the kid's really no slouch. He also started 51 straight games (an NCAA record), holds several conference passing yard records, lead the CMU Chippewas to 4 bowl games, and made my favorite college team's linebackers go absolutely insane chasing him around. Also, according to the buzzing Chicago media, LeFevour is actually a Bears fan. (chicagobreakingsports). Now, the Bears are known for having a collective draft IQ of like, four, but I actually would give them at least a B this year. They saw where talent was, and they went after it. Notable other pickups include free safety Major Wright (from Florida), defensive end Corey Wootten (Northwestern), and OT J'Marcus Webb (who is six-foot-eight, and is from West Texas A&M, wherever that is.)

And now, we conclude by listing the best, worst, and weirdest of 2010:

Best: By trading away picks, Seattle was able to acquire both former Titans power-back LenDale White and Jets RB Leon Washington. This is extremely good for the mediocre Seahawks, who are so poor at rushing (26th last season!) that I can't even name a starting running back (and I'm generally pretty good at naming the starters for many positions - even kickers.)** 

The Jaguars also play in the lamely-named Jacksonville Municipal Stadium. "Municipal Stadium?" What the heck is this, the city power plant? (Source: football.ballparks.com)

Worst: The Jacksonville Jaguars, who are suffering at QB, drafted defensive lineman Tyson Alualu (Cal) in the first round, and followed with four other defensive backs. Wouldn't it make more sense for the Jags to have taken Tim Tebow, who went to a city where there are now more quarterbacks than air molecules, and, who Second and One dryly notes, is actually from Jacksonville? The Jaguars are currently one of the weakest markets in the NFL. They sold only around 74% of their seats last year, prompting the largest profit loss of 09 and all of this talk about moving the team to Los Angeles. (ticketnews.com) Wouldn't it make sense, both morally and economically, for the Jaguars to have drafted someone who could guarantee that they'd sell out the stadium every game? 

Weirdest: The San Francisco 49ers were ranked 22nd in passing last season and a mediocre 18th in ability to score. Wouldn't it make sense to draft a quarterback? Yet, the 49ers drafted three defenders, two offensive linemen, and a tight end who admits he likes hitting people until they bleed.(sfgate.com) While this is great for a team that wants to become more physical, who are these big boys protecting? Alex Smith, who had a worse QB rating last year than both David Garrard and Vince Young, if that's possible. Wouldn't it make more sense to draft a young gunslinger?

Anyway, this concludes most of what I wanted to say about the draft. I'll hopefully be able to resume more frequent posting.

*WR? TE? Team Chaplain?

**Theirs is Olindo Mare, and no, I did not just cheat and look that up.

...April Madness?

First, the housekeeping news. The spamming/porn-bombing failed to cease after my last threat note on this. In fact, it seems to have increased exponentially. Therefore, I have permanently hidden the comments section. Sorry to anyone this might inconvenience.

Now, onto the sports! First, I was tenth in my bracket pool this year (out of 15). All in all a rather lackluster finish, even in a year where everyone flunked at brackets. Congrats to the boys over at Duke on their win. I love these "Cinderella stories," so I was rooting for Butler (and watching every youtube video that consisted of concentrated anti-Duke rhetoric, which in turn consisted of mostly invoking Godwin's Law on Duke's Coach, whose last name has two vowels and approximately seventeen consonants. But I digress). Alas, the bulldogs were outplayed (especially with regard to shooting field goals), despite their sheer ability to hang in there. I suppose the good thing about this is that a (comparatively) microscopic school like Butler gets more exposure. According to Wikipedia, Butler was founded originally as a Christian college by Ovid Butler, an abolitionist lawyer. They're a private liberal arts college of about 4,000 students, located approximately six miles outside of Indianapolis.(Wikipedia) Huh. Who knew? 

In other news, the Rams released QB Marc Bulger yesterday, leading to an increase in the Sam Bradford Draft Rumors, and if not, leaving Kyle Boller to steer St. Louis' ship o' suckage for a while (ESPN). Several other teams, including the Steelers and Bears, have expressed interest in Bulger as possible "Quarterback Insurance," which would not be a bad idea for either team if we're operating under the principle that if one's shiny sports car breaks down you can always start up the beater in the garage.   

If anyone who may be reading hasn't heard, Donovan McNabb, who has been the face of the Eagles since, uh, erm, I can remember, has been traded to the Washington Redskins for one draft pick this year and one next year. Ok. Close your eyes and picture this. Poor Donny McNabb on the same team as Rex Grossman, a porous offensive line, and the people whom, last season, engineered some of the world's worst and most absurd trick plays. I don't know what's going to be more hilarious to watch in the coming year: the Redskins or Capitol Hill. The Eagles now have Kevin Kolb (and Michael Vick) at the helm, and the fantasy stock of Kolb's unquestioned favorite target - TE Brent "Scores Six Frajillion Points The Moment You Bench Him" Celek - just went through the ceiling and onto the roof.

I'm sorry. I can see Shanahan dressed as a clown, Andy Reid in an evening gown, and both of them getting married in the gazebo in this picture before I can see McNabb in anyone's colors except Philly's. Source: Sports.popcrunch.com

Finally, Cleveland Browns' nose tackle Shaun Rogers is facing concealed weapons charges for trying to bring a loaded gun onto an airplane (ESPN, AP). Rogers claims he is innocent, and that he "did not know the gun was in his bag." For ordinary people, I might say this is a load of beans (as in, you generally know if you have your gun or not, people!) but for Rogers, this actually might fly (no pun intended.) Shaun Rogers, who is 350 lbs and topped out at approximately 390 when he played for Detroit, likely needs a suitcase the size of a bus to accommodate his pads, clothing, and enough food to feed a small city. It seems a game of Where's Waldo would likely be easier than even finding a gun in all of that!

That's all for now. What is it, three weeks until draft day?

March Madness 2010

I can finally write a comprehensive entry! Things are humming along smoothly at work now that my magnum opus article has been submitted for review.

So it's official. With Syracuse blowing it against Butler last night, my bracket (which looked to be a pretty good one) is now simply a collection of teams who've lost. The fruits of my failed labor can be seen here, along with a bunch of people I went to grad school with, if you're so inclined. Warning: we really suck at basketball stuff!

Speaking of such matters, there was a story about a 17-year old autistic teenager in Chicago who apparently had a perfect bracket through the first and second rounds of the tournament (NBC Chicago). As he picked 'Cuse to win, however, now apparently nobody in the country has a perfect record. At least this kid still has a B+ in bracketology while the rest of us are wearing a collective dunce cap. 2010's tournament insanity (which my friend Eric, football fan and avid reader, firmly declares happens "every three years or so") has caused me to add a new term to my list of definitions for various stroke-inducing games in the Bouncy Bouncy Sport: a Bracket Buster. 

Will #4 Purdue vs. another #1 seed be like Moulin Rouge, where the ideals of Freedom, Beauty, Truth, and Love dictate that the Duke loses at the end? Source: someone's flickr account I found on Google. Nice picture, don't sue me even though the pun was bad, k?

A bracket buster is any game that fits the definition of a sniper kill, but where the disparity in seeding is especially dramatic. Generally, one of these games involves a #1 or 2 seed that everyone picked to make the Final Four being smoked by someone seeded below #5. Kansas losing to #9 Northern Iowa in the second round this year is a Bracket Buster. St. Mary's (#10) shooting down #2 Villanova would also qualify. If you've put a lot of money on a Bracket Buster game only to see the Busted team get subsequently smashed through the floor, odds are you've probably gone ballistic and will soon be appearing in a very different kind of court. 

***

Moving from the court onto the field, everyone's heard the news: LT is now a jet after their bizarre release of Thomas Jones, and the Bears acquired Chester Taylor, Julius Peppers, That Safety From the Colts, and That Tight End Whose Last Name I Can't Pronounce, leading to rumors that OC Mike Martz wants to trade Greg Olsen for a high draft pick, which is arguably the dumbest trade ever, because you don't know what the draft's going to be like and the team needs everyone they've got to act as a receiver. Mike Martz, if you read this: Trading Olsen for anyone is like trading a computer for a bag of sand. You can't really do anything with sand, but you can clobber someone on the head with it if they do something stupid. Additionally, rumors are swirling around the the Eagles are interested in trading Donovan McNabb, who would like to play for the Vikings. (NFL.com) Of course, nobody knows what Brett Favre is doing, which complicates the equation as usual. And then we've got Brady Quinn being traded to the Broncos (dumb), the Browns signing Jake Delhomme (dumber), and the Bears cutting CB Nathan Vasher - only after giving him a huge roster bonus (dumbest) - what is this, the NFL equivalent of a severance package?

And then there are the new postseason overtime rules! (Chicago Tribune) The NFL voted earlier this week to change the rules so that, in the playoffs, if a game goes to overtime, that the receiving team must score a touchdown in order to win - no kicking for three, and none of these not-shanking sinks the ship shenanigans. Of course, if a team fails to score and is forced to punt, or turns the ball over somehow, the opponent can still win with a field goal. Most teams are in support of the new rules. Up next on the NFL's legislative block: Alliterations in football blogs: clever commentary, or groan-inducing gimmicks?

And then there's Ben Roethlisberger. According to the sports buzz, there are allegations Big Ben assaulted a woman at a Georgia nightclub. Now it's turned into a huge scandal of sex, lies, and (apparently) videotape. (ESPN) Some wonder how much trouble this is actually causing for the Steelers, who have signed backup QB Charlie Batch to a 2-year extension, and it's raising a lot of questions about what exactly happened (ie, an actual incident vs. someone out for money vs. hearsay vs. he said-she said vs. some massive conspiracy involving the League Commissioner, etc). Of course, I wasn't there, and I'm not Roethlisberger/the plaintiff/a lawyer on this case, so I'll maintain neutrality, just like I do in politics, where I sit and listen to both sides of the story and, after feebly offering my opinion, eventually argue that because I'm not a member of congress, I should not be forced to debate healthcare reform or immigration or whether or not college football should be on a playoff system. 

I conclude this with a personal anecdote. Because of parking difficulties at the Large University Where I Work, I had to park in some obscene place earlier this week (on March 24th), and walk to work. Upon walking home at 5:30 PM past the practice fields, I observed the football team, dressed in their finest display of our school colors, literally kicking off spring practice as they booted field goals and extra points through the uprights. Folks: only about 5 months until we kick off for real, and only 27 days until the draft!

Housekeeping, etc.

First, I've come to say that 2ndand1 isn't dead. I've been meaning to write an actual entry for days now, but various work-related craziness has prevented it. So. I'll try and update at least once every ten days about offseason trades, draft/combine business, and March Madness. First...

a) How 'bout them Saints, eh?

b) Show of hands: did anyone's bracket(s) get completely screwed yesterday by Georgetown, Marquette, Vandy, combinations thereof, or all three? Does anyone have bets that Purdue will continue the trend of making everyone really grumpy?

c) This is a bit of a problem around here. Please, please, please do NOT spam in the comments or post links to pornographic websites. Please try and limit your discussions to sports and sports-related topics if at all possible. This is a family- and work-friendly (rated PG-13 or below) blog, and this material is highly inappropriate. I will have to make comments private if the porn-bombing continues. 

Still alive - Just in time for the big one!!

I apologize for the distinctive lack of posting lately. My Super Special Scientific Article (TM) will hopefully be submitted for review soon, and now I'm getting ready for important meetings and other things. But of course, I am still alive, and celebrating this most holy week(end) of football goodness with partying, eating too much, gambling, messing around with friends, staying awake until 3AM - the usual insanity.

So here we come to the end of another exciting year of NFL football. We've had everything this season. Shootouts, blackouts, shutouts, upsets, upset stomachs, drama, Oh Jesus injuries, and, as Second and One predicted earlier, two of our most unstoppable juggernauts - the Indianapolis Colts and the New Orleans Saints - are now going head to head, after the championship round proved two things to us:

A) The Jets were a total fluke, proving that "run the ball and play defense" has not worked effectively since the Bears blew the Patriots out of Super Bowl XX;

B) In the contest of Brett Favre Brett Favre Brett Favre vs. Drew Brees Drew Brees Drew Brees, the latter prevailed as the former threw a real stomach-punch of an interception at the end of the NFC championship, and effectively ripped the bowels out of the Vikings' fan-base, which seems to happen every decade or so.

Ahem. Anyway, I figured that today, instead of sitting around prognosticating about whether the Saints will be able to cover Dallas Clark or not, or whether or not the Colts' rush defense will get off the bus, that I'd try something different and make this more personal.

The Super Bowl means something different to everyone, and is generally associated with a good time. My earliest memories of such events were of the number of Big Ones the Cowboys won in the 1990s. I also remember being very young, and remembered my dad attempting to explain the rules of the sport to me. I promptly got frustrated and lost him right around the explanation of what a "first down" was, and eventually toddled off to play with action figures, or whatever I liked playing with when I was about six or seven. 

Super Bowl XXXI, where the Packers beat the Patriots. There was a lot of snow where I grew up, and a lot of Packer fans as well (the neighbors who owned the house in the back of my parents' woods even had a dog called "Packer") and my sister and I ran out into the snow before the game, content on building some kind of Packers-related snow sculpture to show our NFC pride. Once we got outside, however, there we stood, bundled up to our eyeballs, and realized we had absolutely no idea what the heck we were doing.

Practicing for future commercial endorsements, Mr. Manning and Mr. Brees practice staring awkwardly at each other. Source: dunno source, please don't sue me!

I didn't pay much attention to the Super Bowl in my teens, because I was more concerned with my "studies," (which was probably wacky MC-talk for "I was more hung up on my underdeveloped nerdishness and on chasing various members of the opposite sex"). I started paying attention to them again when I started graduate school. One of my favorite Super Bowls, of course, is when the Bears went again in 2007, and I was at my buddy Marc's house going ballistic as the Devin Hester ran back the opening kickoff. There were so many good moments: David Tyree making that amazing side-of-the-helmet catch when he played for the Giants in '08, Marc's house decked out in Steelers finery in '09, where everyone simply showed up wearing the regalia of their favorite team, regardless of whether they were playing or not- the chicken wings, the beer, the betting cards, and here were the lot of us, not caring about our races, or countries of origin, or political persuasions, yelling and screaming and waving various objects about through force of sheer passion and nothing else. Funny how that works out.

And now here we come to 2010. Whether we can even agree as to whether 2010 is the start of a new decade or not, we can all agree that this will be one heck of a game, regardless of whether the Stampede or the Scoring Machines emerge victorious. 

In honor of today's game, I've been paying attention to what people I know have been doing. One of my buddy Eric's* roommates is a die-hard Colts fan, and will no doubt come prancing out in his Joseph Addai jersey. On the NFC side, my friend Catherine (who is from New Orleans and loves her Saints perhaps more than the entirety of Bourbon Street combined) ordered a Saints-themed king cake for the occasion (Wikipedia). I am going to a party with some other scientists, and, due to conference loyalty and a host of other reasons which may or may not involve senseless Drew Brees worship players who attended the Large University Where I Work, will be rooting for the Who Dats. 

Enjoy the festivities, everyone. Recap to come in the following days. 

*Football fan and avid reader!

Playoff Insanity

A break in the madness! (read as, "a weekend") Time to update!

Truly Special Special Teams: In a wild card game, down by seven and facing 4th and 4 on the Big Striped Cats' 24-yard line, the New York Who Turned On The Jets lined up for a 42 yard field goal, which Jay Feely made easily. A holding penalty then nullified the attempt, moving Feely back ten yards. The J-men then decided to try the fire-drill anyway, but a false start promptly blew the play dead. The Jets then punted. D'oh! In other news, after the punt, Rex Ryan promptly ate the two penalized linemen on the sidelines. 

That's a Penalty? In other Jets news, the Chargers lost, plagued by slop, error, and general bye-week-itis. The referees flagged the Dead Batteries for an offensive penalty, citing number 87 as the perpetrator. Said team did not have a number 87 playing that day, which the announcers were quick to point out. A technical non-penalty?

Amusing Announcing, Part 1: During the Cowboys wild-card blowout beatdown good sport with the Eagles, a particularly good play to Cowboys rookie wideout Miles Austin was described as "Austin-tatious." Also, one announcer asked another "What do you call the play where you run around the end to the quarterback?" before pausing and quipping "I call it a sack." 

The Joke Writes Itself: Ravens-Patriots. I didn't see this game, but it can best be summarized by the following statement: "What do you call it when a team with no offense plays a team with no defense?" My buddy Eric, football fan and avid reader, stated the following answer rather dryly, "A nap." 

Ridiculously Sick Play of the Week: In the Saints' roasting reaming routing friendly contest with the Arizona Cardinals, Drew Brees faked a handoff to RB Pierre Thomas, who tossed the ball back to Brees, who bombed deep to Devery Henderson for 44 yards and the score. (fansided) The sleepwalking Redbirds were reduced to a pile of feathers and bad feelings by halftime. It's official: the Scoring Machines, if properly fueled, are unstoppable. In other news: water is wet, and you shouldn't eat too much pizza or you'll clog your arteries.

Amusing Announcing, Part 2: In the Cowboys-Eagles game, a whopping 228 penalty yards were committed between the two teams - an NFL postseason record. After yet another yellow flag flew, Cris Collinsworth mused, "Ed Hochuli and crew will go shopping for whistles tomorrow." 

Yes, this is a real product. Cowboys tickets: $150. The Cowboys umbrella: $35. Getting to see the Cowboys fold either way? Priceless. Source: Amazon.com

Who Doth Postpone the December Swoon? The Collapse-Boys are back! Up against the Vikings Front Four (who are probably better known as "The Purple People Eaters," or maybe "The Maul of America")* the Cowboys rolled over and died. The Land of 10,000 Sacks, well, sacked Tony Romo six times, on three of which he fumbled, and two of which he lost. Was Jessica Simpson up in the press box with Prince? (UPI) 

Sad Note, for Us Bears Fans, Part 1: On this past Sunday, January 17th, Bears DE Gaines Adams #99 passed away in his native state of South Carolina. A former star at Clemson and for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers (where he was the #4 draft pick in 2007), Adams reportedly died from cardiac arrest due to an enlarged heart. Drugs and/or foul play are not suspected. He was 26 years old, and was traded to the Bears early in the 2009 season, where he played in 10 games, including against the Lions. More can be read in the Chicago Tribune. 

Normally I don't think emoticons and symbols are proper for a blog journalistic endeavor such as this, but Second and One leaves a flower - Be at Peace, Gaines - Chicago hardly ever knew you. ~'~,~'~<@ 

Sad Note, for Us Bears Fans, Part 2: To add to the defensive line problems, Bears nose tackle/defensive tackle Dusty Dvoracek, who has had more injuries than a child playing in traffic, was recently arrested and charged with a variety of unpleasant things, including battery, after a fight in Oklahoma (The Tribbie) No, Dusty! You're doing it wrong! You're supposed to assault people ON the field, not off it! 

Amusing Announcing, Part 3: In the wild-card Showdown at OK Corral between the Green Bay Packers and the Arizona (Later) Folded Like a House of Cards, an announcer remarked (as both teams took the field for overtime), "Good thing we're not playing by college rules, or this night might never end." 

This is all for now. Remember kids: Confucius says Bears who lose because of interception-happy QB are said to have been "deep sixed." 

*Other terms I've heard to refer to these four gentlemen: Purple Pain, Purple Reign, Third and Ouch, the Four Norseman of the Apocalypse, Shock and AWWE (for Allen, Williams, Williams, and Edwards) 

Happy Anniversary!

Well, Second and One, my pet project/distraction, officially turned one year old five days ago! So now, instead of crying aimlessly, this blog can now stumble around the house in diapers, forcing me to lock my medicine cabinet and put gates in my stairwells.

Still, as my life at work, well, is my life these days, everything else has sort of fallen by the wayside, but I have a large .doc file of fun football niblets that will eventually find its way into here. 

Hope everyone enjoys the divisional round today and tomorrow!