Someone saw this posted on Facebook this morning and was nice enough to send it my way:
"Put this on your status if you know someone/are related to someone who suffers from being a Dallas Cowboys Fan. Being a Cowboys Fan is a real disorder and should be taken seriously. There is still no known cure for DCF and sympathy does not help. But we can raise awareness. 90% of Cowboys fans won't repost this because they don't know... how to copy and paste."
So I got to thinking about an interesting question, namely, "if every team in the NFL could collectively dress up as anything for Halloween, what would they go as?" The results of this amusing experiment (that is distracting me from my actual experiments) are posted below. Let's start with the NFC North:
Chicago Bears: A large, fuzzy teddy bear. Nothing to fear, right? The costume has to provide more defense than Cover-2, whatever it is.
Green Bay Packers: A zombie. They're walking dead but they're somehow still alive.
Minnesota Vikings: A pumpkin, because those tend to get carved up this time of year.
Detroit Lions: My boyfriend's car. Something's always broken somewhere.
New Orleans Saints: An obscure character from an obscure cartoon, whom everyone looks at with narrowed eyes and asks, "who are you supposed to be, again?"
Atlanta Falcons: An elevator. Always up and down.
Carolina Panthers: does anyone remember that scene in The Sixth Sense where we see that kid who turns out to have half his head missing?
Tampa Bay Buccaneers: A clown. 'Nuff said.
Seattle Seahawks: A Rubik's Cube. Yeah, we can't figure them out either.
San Francisco 49ers: A dead, rotting corpse.
Arizona Cardinals: A mouse. Squeaks and runs away scared.
St. Louis Rams: A dog. Chases its tail, makes a lot of noise, and sleeps all weekend.
The famous, perplexing Seattle Seahawkcube. Alternatively, the whole NFC West can just dress as an outhouse. Or maybe cat vomit. Or a bag of ebola.
New York Giants: Frankenstein. Suddenly zapped to life.
Washington Redskins: A Jack-in-the-box. Surprise!!!
Philadelphia Eagles: Bride of Frankenstein. She also got tangled up with some not-so-nice guys.
Dallas Cowboys: A tiny rubber ball. Insignificant and poses a choking hazard.
Indianapolis Colts: Everyone the morning after the Halloween party who is too hung-over to get out of bed.
Tennessee Titans: Dexter Morgan. Or Freddy Krueger. You generally don't survive if you meet either of them on a bad day, either.
Houston Texans: A SCUD missile. Offensive, but inaccurate. Blows up.
Jacksonville Jaguars: Toilet paper. Do I even need to explain this one?
Baltimore Ravens: A hammer. Pounds people.
Pittsburgh Steelers: A sledgehammer. Pounds people harder. Those so inclined to pervert this into a Roethlisberger joke can do so at their own discretion.
Cleveland Browns: You know that disgusting feeling you get in your mouth when you wake up at 1PM and feel really nasty but you're just glad you actually woke up? That feeling.
Cincinnati Bengals: What's depicted in the picture below.
Rawr!! When I grow up, I wanna be just like Carson Palmer and totally blow it against Cleveland! Source: the adorably-named babyanimalcostumes.com
New England Patriots: Casanova. Man, that guy scored a lot.
New York Jets: My car. Frequently drives over people who are in the way and then makes the news.*
Miami Dolphins: A refrigerator. Always running. Plus, it keeps you cool in Miami.
Buffalo Bills: A bee. Flies around; gets whacked.
Kansas City Chiefs: A maniac with a chainsaw. Scary as hell.
Oakland Raiders: a screwdriver. Well, they're always finding a way to screw someone, and it's a lot more PG than the other jokes I could come up with.
Denver Broncos: A hippie. High, but going absolutely nowhere.
San Diego Chargers: A treadmill. Kind of cool in theory if someone could dress up as a treadmill, but they'd soon realize that they're still just for walking on.
Did anyone hear the joke about Norv Turner dragging Philip Rivers into an electronics store? "Please" Norv pleaded. "I need a refund on this Charger. We can't get any power." Source: Indianapolis Examiner
Everyone, have a safe and happy Halloween weekend! More posts to come soon.
*Facetiousness here. I've never been a car accident.
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