So Here's What's Going On.

I need to, first, apologize.

It's been about ten days since I last updated this thing, and, considering the Big One is upon us again, that's, well, pretty awful.

The truth is, I'm not sure where this site is going. People aren't quite sure how to react to it. I've gotten every criticism to "tl;dr" to "too analytical" and every praise from "nice poetry" to "syndicate this $#%&."

The truth is, I'm not sure how much time I even have to figure out where Second and One is going, if anywhere. I have been working between 9 and 12 hours per day for the last three weeks. This isn't likely to change any time soon. I haven't read much about football for more than five minutes, and haven't read anything longer than about five sentences. I don't know who's been hired, fired; what's contested, who got arrested - I couldn't put together a coherent post if someone handed me a template, and even then it would probably end up coming out like the Patriots' eventually ill-fated playbook: flying in every direction, with no way to stop it.

So, I'm going to say for now that Second and One is going to take a vacation, and a pretty long one at that. As far as I can foresee, this is the end of regular updating. I'm fading off into the swirling vortex of the Internet. I'm tired. I'm stressed out. I don't really care who wins the Super Bowl, to be perfectly honest. Feel free to unfollow if you really want. There will probably be sporadic updates here and there as I feel like it - I'm just posting this message so I don't have to feel guilty in the early hours of the morning about not posting.

Thanks to everyone who reads.

And have a good and safe time this weekend, no matter who you're rooting for.

MC

This is not a good week.

First, I have to apologize for the sore lack of updating around here. I seem to have completely forgotten that this blog exists, neglecting it in a corner just days after Second and One's second anniversary. I'm so busy now: in addition to having to do chemistry, I have to teach it as well.

Truth be told, the NFC Championship game, as respectably as it ended for both teams, doesn't make me feel very good. Not because the Bears lost to a good team, but because of how much anti-Bears invective has been swirling around. Not just now, but all season long. Who cares of they honked out in the preseason? Who cares how sloppily they played at times? They still beat some tough rivals and lost by only seven in the NFC Championship game, and I think the hate needs to stop at the door of the postseason, especially for a team that got further than the Patriots. So, time for me to put this into pictorial form, lest I go into a Long, Persecuted Bears Fan rant. Inspired by a similar game for the Indianapolis Colts, it's...Bears Hate Bingo!

Nonetheless, despite the disappointing outcome, it was nice to see that the Bears aren't total toast at the QB position, and it was nice to see Brian Urlacher and Matt Forte absolutely play their hearts out. Thanks for the memories, Bears. It was a long, nauseatingly up-and-down but wildly pleasant season with an anticlimactic whimper of an ending.

Even after that, I still love you guys; I always will.

An Ode to The Wild Cards, Part One

Ten points up, the game was boring

The Saints played like noone was there

But the Who Dats caved to Carlson's scoring

And looked as if they tackled air

The Saints' backfield, so far eroded

The line false-started from the noise

I think Sean Payton's head exploded

As joyous Carroll praised his boys

A breakout run, poor kick onside

Some lousy calls to twist the knife

Upon this hurl-inducing ride

Both teams were clinging for their life

New Orleans eventually lost the battle

At thirty-six to forty-one

At eight and nine now comes Seattle

Ready to spoil Atlanta's run

In the AFC, the hate was breeding

Tempers surging, flames-a-fanning;

The Colts were trying to stop the bleeding

And Ryan wished to knock off Manning

Ol' Rex shouted, Sanchez tried,

LT had some epic runs

But Peyton would not be denied,

And it appeared as if the Colts had won

The home crowed cheered, the field goal boomed

V, for victory, and Vinatieri

But fifty ominous seconds loomed

(And would you trust Indy's secondary?)

And so the clock announced the hour

But premature celebration begets

Collapses of the highest power

And victoriously emerged the Jets

Yet fortune favors strong, not meek;

Both winners shall be nixed next week.

I'm pretty busy, but Part II will come later.

Bowl Games!!!

Wow. What an absolutely abysmal performance by the Big Ten Et Al. today. Wisconsin showed poor clock management, Penn State threw a backbreaking interception and handed the contest to Florida. Northwestern rallied too late. Michigan schools were outscored 101-21 in bowl games. None looked worse than MSU. #9 showed up wanting a pound of Nick Saban's flesh. They also showed up with the Bears' O-line from the Giants game, the Texans' secondary, the defensive front from Denver, a QB lofting passes about like a second-grade girl whose primary interest is her Barbies, and an overall air of frustrated, "why-is-the-tight-end-fifty-yards-downfield"- desperation.

(My boyfriend and I wrote this description together.)

Happy New Year!!

Happy 2011! I hope everyone's enjoying the college bowls and the last week of NFL before the playoffs. I thought I'd do something different this year, and remember 2010 in the form of some funny football quotes. Without further ado: Second and One's Funniest Football Quotes of 2010, collected from around the Internet (and one from real life).

10. "Unless that's Frank Caliendo doing Brett Favre, his wife is probably going to make off with half of his crap." - Brian, our stockroom attendant, on Brett Favre's voice mails to Jenn Sterger.

9. "[Lance Briggs is] Vick's Vaporizer." -Tim Souers of Cubby Blue on Bears vs Eagles.

8. "[MSU TE] Charlie Gantt could have moonwalked those final 10 yards and still scored untouched." - Awful Announcing's Brady Green, responding to Lou Holtz's assumption that Notre Dame had MSU's infamous "Little Giants" play - which gave Mark Dantonio a heart attack - "well defended."

7. "The Book of Revelation predicts that a beast with seven heads and 10 horns, four horsemen on colored horses and a Houston series win over Indianapolis will be the signs of the approaching Last Judgment." - Gregg Easterbrook, on the Colts' real clunker of a season opener.

6. "Topeka, Kansas has high schools of both Trojan, (Topeka High) and Seaman Academy. Therefore every year we have to suffer through headlines in the Capitol Journal of "Seaman Breaks Through Trojan Defense." It's like they think it's some kind of inside joke." - Random message board commentator on the world's worst sports team nicknames.

5. "Somewhere over the Dwayne Bowe" - Chris "Boomer" Berman, on a touchdown by KC WR Dwayne Bowe.

4. "I think this guy's a neo-Nazi." - Glenn Beck, upon seeing a picture of Brian Urlacher.

3. "Ranked 32nd against the pass after last week's epic collapse against the Jets, they should call the Texans' defensive backfield Room Service Breakfast -- five pieces of really expensive toast." - David Fleming, re: Houston's terrible secondary.

2. "No, I want to say f*** you. And I mean that in the most professional way." Denver WR Brandon Lloyd, upon asking if the newly-minted Pro Bowler had any messages for previous teams who let him go.

1. "Must've been Bill Belichick running the video camera." Fantasy CPR, on foot-fetish videos involving Jets coach Rex Ryan's wife, Michelle.

More to come later.