Another One Bites The Dust, and I mean, Really Bites It: On Saturday, the #1, #5, #10, #19, #22, 23, and 24-ranked teams all lost - to teams ranked lower or to unranked teams. The smallest margin of defeat, one point, was the upset of #24. The largest, 13 points, the upset of #1. I don't even think they will even get the famed BCS computer to run for a day without bursting into flames at the rate we're going. Updated BCS standings can be found here. (ESPN)
Bonus Statistic: The Indianapolis Colts' away record is better than every other NFL team's home record - except for the Patriots.
Amusing Announcing: During the Bears' ugly loss to the Giants in week 4, after Jay Cutler was sacked yet another time, NBC Announcer Al Michaels quipped, "someone put a tent over this circus, this is unbelievable." I laughed for ten minutes.
Graduates of the Bill Belichick* School of Opponent Demoralization, Masters' Degree Edition: On Saturday, Boise State, Oklahoma, and Texas Christian (#3, 4, and 6, with a combined record of 19-0), won by a combined score of 131...to a total of three points scored by opponents with a combined record of 6-15. The valedictorian of the week: the Division I-AA Jacksonville Dolphins, who beat the Valparaiso Crusaders by an astonishing 86-7, in a game where Jacksonville actually lost the time of possession battle by about three minutes. Eighty-six to freaking' seven! Highlights of the game include touchdowns from two interception returns and a blocked punt. Jax's only mistake: missing their last PAT. Apparently these guys are repeat offenders - 35 is the fewest points they've scored all season.
Apparently, Jacksonville thinks they're a high school team running the A-11 No-Punt Offense, and Valpo thinks it's basketball season. Source: Jacksonville.com
More Amusing Announcing: During MNF's Fastest Three Minutes, Chris "Boomer" Berman referred to Steelers WR Mike Wallace as "The Sixty Minute Man" after the news commentator with the same name. Magnifico!
Dumb, Daft Defenses: Oh, Minnesota. Nothing stings like starting 1-6. On Saturday against purdue, while down 14-0 against the Purdue Boilermakers, Gophers' LB Gary Tinsley intercepted a botched wideout screen and was in position for a pick-6. As he dived and stretched his arms out to push the ball over the goal line, the ball squirted out of his hands and knocked over the pylon. The fumble was ruled a touchback, Purdue got the ball on the Minnesota 20-yard line and made the game 21-0, and Minnesota's coach (Tim Brewster) actually got fired the day after. D'oh. I will here use my significant other's rule for show-offy defenders: "just fall on it, jackass!"
Loony Bonus College Statistic: Until Saturday, Nebraska and Nevada were the only teams that, this season, have never trailed at any point during a game. Nebraska had never been in a tie at any point during a game, except for starting 0-0. Both teams were subsequently upset by unranked teams.
Crappy Commentating: A friend of mine remarked on Facebook that he wanted to "punch Cris Collinsworth." I'm pretty sure this was the reason: on Sunday night, the commentator animatedly described the day's head injuries (complete with video of Eagles WR DeSean Jackson getting literally knocked out of the game). His emphasis seemed placed on the sensationalism of it all. This sort of violence is not sensational or funny. I like to regurgitate a Wayne Gretzky quote when I watch/hear things like this: "Why must the best shot in the game be on someone's nose instead of in someone's net?" These are serious injuries that, although rarely, can have life-threatening consequences. Such as is the case for Rutgers DT Eric LeGrand, who suffered a spinal cord injury in a helmet-to-helmet hit on a punt return and may be paralyzed from the neck down. (Larry Brown Sports) Come on, announcers. Grow up and realize the gravity of the situation, will you? You can see the video of the tackle that injured LeGrand at the link above, but it is rather cringe-worthy and I don't recommend it. We here at Second and One wish the best for LeGrand and his family.
Really Goofus Bonus NFL Statistics: In the NFC North, the Packers have lost two games in overtime and three by three points this season. In the two most recent games that Jay Cutler has played, he has been sacked fifteen times. The current point leaders in the NFC North: The Detroit Lions, who have also allowed the fewest sacks out of the entire division. The San Diego Chargers lead the statistical categories of pass yards per game, total offensive yards per game, total yards allowed per game, and pass yards allowed per game. They are currently 2-4. The Dallas Cowboys are also in the top five in these categories. They are 1-4. If anyone can give me a concise reason why these two teams are a combined 3-8, I'll be sure the Nobel Committee calls you tomorrow. Not a whole lot makes sense in the NFL right now.
No! We're the worse team! No, we are! Source: images.morris.com
I've Waited More Than a Year To say This, but...Don't Kick To Devin Hester!!: After a lackluster 2009 season on special teams, people thought Chicago WR/punt returner Devin Hester had lost his magic. Until, of course, 2010. Thus far, he's run back two for touchdowns this season, including in the Bears' dramatic upset of the Packers. If I were a special teams coach, I would tell my kicker to swallow the football before I'd tell him to kick to Devin Hester.
Amusing Announcing, "Because I'm Twelve" Edition: During a college game, the following comment was made about a player: "Every time he holds the ball, he finishes." I'm not saying anything else because my foot is dangerously close to my mouth already.
Obligatory Fighting Nucleophiles Update: So I officially hate my perma-screwed, uber-deep fantasy league. I think our waiver system is horse puckey. I think our defensive scoring rubric makes less sense than NCAA recruiting rules. I think our scoring predictor has a lower success rate than monkeys throwing darts at a board. The Fighting Nucleophiles, official fantasy team of Second and One, are at 1-5. I'm getting decked harder than whoever is unfortunate enough to line up opposite Cortland Finnegan every Sunday.** No matter who I start at running back or wide receiver, they always do absolutely nothing. Things like the Randy Moss trade, Demaryius Thomas' neck injury, and the very existence of LaDainian Tomlinson don't help, either. In order for my team to have a fighting chance, I need the Cards' O-line to learn how to block, for Ryan Mathews, Brandon Jackson, and Braylon Edwards to all break their feet at the same time, for every member of KC's receiving corps except for Dwayne Bowe to come down with leprosy, and for every defense in the league to forget Dallas Clark exists. Subtle irony: the one week I did win, I won because someone else started the wrong tight end for once. I can't talk about this any more.
Whatever this thing is, I can guarantee that my fantasy football team currently blows harder than it ever could. Source, aoc.gov
Life Imitates Art, Which Imitates The Saints (Truly Special Special Teams): In week five, both the St. Louis Rams (on a 2-win streak) and the Kansas City Chiefs (on a 4-win streak) opted to begin their games with an onside kick. Both attempts failed. Both teams lost (and the former, horribly) Ugh.
Poetic Afterthoughts: Say what you will about Jaguars-Titans tonight. Here's what I have to say:
Will the Jaguars keep playing like dolts
Or will the Titans look worse than the 'Bolts?
Let me open my mouth
About the AFC South
They've all look'd bad - even the Colts.
And we conclude with our latest installment of Football Foods. I came up with this delicious meatloaf burger recipe while trying to figure out what to do with the pound of ground beef that boyfriend had in his freezer, all while watching Iowa beat up Michigan on Saturday:
BCS Buster Burgers:
1 lb ground beef
1 egg, lightly beaten like Florida on Saturday
1/4-1/3 cup bread crumbs
1 tbsp ketchup
1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
1/8 tsp salt
1/8 tsp black pepper
1/8 tsp garlic powder
pinch of cayenne pepper (as, like former Oregon Duck LeGarrette Blount did, it gives a little extra punch)
Combine ingredients in a large mixing bowl. Mix with your hands to be sure everything is well-incorporated. Shape into patties and broil or grill to your desired degree of doneness (although I don't take responsibility if you get food poisoning and throw up all over yourself like Michigan seems to do every week). Top with your favorite fixins' and serve on buns. This recipe serves 2-3.
Remember kids: if you think turnovers are what you order for dessert at Arby's, you shouldn't be playing linebacker.
*I just realize I have been spelling Belichick's name as "Belicheck" for the past five weeks. Oops. I guess he's the Toby Gerhart of this season: I didn't get his name right until week 13 of last year, just in time for the Heisman balloting.
**For those who don't get the joke, Finnegan has received three consecutive fines from the league for unnecessary roughness or something like that, and every player on Denver's offense is crying for a pound of his flesh. You can Google it if you really want to read about the drama (complete with Chuck Cecil's middle finger).
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