The Authoritative Chicago Bears Playbook Quiz!

So the Bears have disappointed again in the preseason, being thoroughly hoisted on their own petard by an inefficient offensive line and lousy play calling. We at Second and One have obtained this stinky playbook (and associated documents), and before we burned it to exorcise the demons therein, we made it into a quiz. See if you can guess the correct answer(s) to this question: What Would Lovie Do?

1. Your opponent fires a shot across the bow by scoring a touchdown on the opening possession. You (the Bears) have the ball. What do you do?

a. Show 'em what you're made of. Execute a quick-strike passing attack and punch it into the end zone in retaliation.

b. Run the ball steadily, grind out yards slowly and methodically, bleed ten minutes off the clock, and smash-mouth your way in for six.

c. Draw a long pass interference penalty and kick a field goal.

2. You're winning by fourteen points against a really bad team at home. You're on 4th down and 1 at their 16-yard-line. What do you do?

a. Go for it and see what happens. 

b. Be conservative, kick the field goal, and adjust accordingly. You're already winning.

c. Try a fake shovel pass to your fullback while in a pseudo-field goal formation, get creamed behind the line of scrimmage, and get no points.

3. You're losing on the road and you're 3rd and 17. What do you do?

a. Try and draw the opponents offsides to make it a more manageable 3rd and 7. 

b. Pull out the stops and throw the ball downfield.

c. Run up the middle for two yards. We're a running team, gosh-darnit!

4. A typical series for your offense goes like...

a. Short run, slant pass, screen route, first down.

b. Throw over the middle, sweep, short run, first down.

c. False start, sack, sack, run up the middle, punt. 

5. A typical series for your defense goes like...

a. Stuffed at the line, flush the QB from the pocket, broken up pass.

b. Jammed at the line, five-yard gain, pushed out of bounds.

c. Jump offsides twice in a row. 

6. Your opponent needs a true "Hail Mary" to tie you. What defensive formation do you use to try and stop it?

a. Easy. Nickel package or higher or straight-up Prevent. 

b. Send the dogs. Try a mega-blitz package and pray you're quicker than they are.

c. Don't rush the passer, and play the softest cover-2 you can think of.

7. It's draft day! Who do you pick?

a. Some big, speedy wide receivers for your franchise quarterback.

b. Some enormous guys to stick up front to block.

c. Cornerbacks! We've got, like, 12 on the roster, and we'd really like to make that 13! I hear that's good luck, or something.

8. You need a new coach for your defensive line. Who's your number one choice?

a. A bowl-winning former college defensive coordinator.

b. A young, defensive-minded assistant coach from a rival conference.

c. The head coach of a team that went 0-16 the previous season. It's just them, right?

9. It's a preseason game. It's pretty meaningless, but it's a time for judgment. What do you do?

a. Play your starters, and then the second and third strings, to check out the depth of your roster.

b. Try out some new plays you've been working on in training camp.

c. Practice two-point conversions every time you score (and even blow some of them) for a reason that eludes everyone's comprehension. 

10. Ok. You're going to score. Some way or another, you will get points. You're first and goal from the one-yard line. What's the play, coach?

a. Try the quarterback sneak. It just might work and will catch them off guard.

b. Power-rush time! Move that pile! 

c. Try to force the ball to your triple-covered tight end and promptly be intercepted in the corner of the end zone, knocking all momentum out of your team.

Let's hope these demons get worked out soon.