While nothing out of the NFC west looks promising (the entire division is a combined 14-22) the Rams look better a lot better than the Lions - of course they do, they beat them in week 8. Against Breesus and his Apostles,* the Rams put forth amazing effort and hung tight, likely aided by injuries on the Saints' defense (such as safety Darren Sharper, who can intercept everything but telegrams from spies), and problems up front (to possibly compensate for these injuries, the Saints stacked the box. RB Steven Jackson got out of the box). The end result? Drew Brees had to overcompensate yet again, finding the end zone twice and pushing NO to its first 9-0 start...ever. Plus: I love this new commercial for the Play60 program. (NFL) Drew Brees' #1 wideout? President Obama. Ergo, despite throwing two picks on Sunday, Brees wins this category because of this alone. On the new Second and One Assignment O' Awesomeness, where one is a kiss from your mom and 10 would be the offspring of Jackie Chan and Megan Fox killing zombies with a diamond-studded chainsaw, this is at least a 149.
Ridiculously Sick Series of Ridiculously Sick Plays: Sometimes, football is predictable. One watching says "ok, that's a run." "Ok, that's a deep pass." "Ok, they're going to fade to the corner of the end zone." "Ok. The Washington Redskins are kicking a field goal...or are they?" Against the Broncos, the Redskins didn't have much to work with. RB Clinton Portis was out with a concussion. Kyle Orton was dismembering the 'Skins secondary, who appeared to have Deer-in-the-Headlitis. It just wasn't looking good. Washington was down by 7, 4th and 20, with under 7 minutes in the second, and lined up to try a fire-drill of field goal to cut the differential before slogging into the locker room. They attempted a fake, but had to call a time out mid-execution because they only had ten men on the field! It looked laughably, hideously bad - and their secret was exposed to Denver.
Senator Vreenak could tell us that it was a fake, too! Source: Jordanhoffman.com; Paramount Pictures. A Trek reference in a football blog? KILL THE HERETIC!
As red in the face as their goofy namesake, Washington then trots the punt team onto the field. The Broncos appeared confident that they had sniffed out a rat...but Washington promptly ran the exact same fake again, and punter Hunter Smith heaved the ball to Mike Sellers - straight into the endzone, and the only kicking the 'Skins did on this drive was the XP! (Highlights c/o NFL.com) This series is a rarity in that it is like a witty sitcom - it is both incredibly stupid and incredibly smart at the same time! Nice work, 'Skins!
Shakin' Things Up! Oh, the Browns. After a bye week that involved a quarterback change and people getting fired, they came out and embarrassed themselves, at home, on Monday Night Football, against the Baltimore Ravens.
I will start by saying this. The Blackbirds' offense looks generally dreadful lately. They've lost four of their past five games. Joe Flacco was held to just 155 yards in the air. Kicker Steve Hauschka missed another field goal - his fourth of the season - and another extra point, and was promptly fired (keep in mind they cut their other kicker, Matt Stover, who returns to see the Ravens again on Sunday - he's playing in Indianapolis.) Both teams looked so awful that it was the first NFL game of the season that was scoreless at the entr'acte.
Chop blocks and laying around? Maybe he'd be better on defense. Source: Joshua Gunter, the Plain Dealer.
But what of the Browns? Sure, they have Josh Cribbs, but he's now injured and any smidge of offense is crippled by overly-conservative, low-impact play calling (apparently "going deep" is too risque a concept for television). They suffer at wide receiver, and RB Jamal Lewis plans on retiring soon. They score so infrequently that most of the team probably could not locate the goal line on a map of a football field. And then Brady Quinn throws a block that has now sidelined Ravens' LB Terrell Suggs - for his first time in seven years. And Quinn won't even say how much the league fined him for his idiocy. What in God's Great Galaxy is wrong with the Cleveland Browns?
The news in Cleveland is that LeBron James - the star of the only team worth following in Cleveland (the Cavaliers) - would like to play football. (ESPN) And Browns Coach Eric Mangini is thinking about it. And you know, if I were Mangini, I might be thinking about it. The Browns, quite frankly, suck harder than an open window on a space flight,** and James was an all-pro wideout in high school. Ignoring the logistics of what would happen to the Cavaliers (for now), I say go for it. Other teams have shaken things up and gotten results. The Buccaneers were blowing harder than a wind tunnel, started Freeman at QB, and beat the Packers. The Titans were biting harder than Mike Tyson, started Vince Young, and have won their last 3. You're 1-8. What have you got to lose?
Amusing Announcing: Returning from the halftime break, Fox announcers read off a list of injured Detroit Lions - a few injured in the first half against the Vikes - and then quipped, "The Detroit sideline looks like a bad episode of House." In the third quarter of the Patriots/Colts skirmish, NBC announcers watched Peyton Manning pitch the pigskin at approximately the speed of sound, and then quipped, "That was a Halley's Comet. You only see that once every seventy-five years." And an unknown college announcer stated after a missed field goal, "Shank you very much." Keep the clever calls coming, commentators!
Is This Why You Go For It?: While we're talking about the Patriots and Colts, everyone is talking about Bill Belichick's decisive call to have the Patriots go for it while 4th and 2 on their own 28-yard line. I'll give the short summary in case people did not see the game. They were ahead. They went for it. They didn't convert by about three inches. The Colts, off the ensuing turnover on downs, scored and won by a single point, and the roof of Lucas Oil Stadium just about blew off. Time for my opinion: regardless of whether it was smart decision making, stupid decision making, blind arrogance, or just plain madness: it was the right call. The Indy defense had a hard time stopping the Patriots, but the Pats' defense obviously could not corral the Colts, despite the latter's slow start and Manning's two interceptions. Of course, anything could have happened had the Patriots punted. The Indy Stampede could have run the ensuing kickoff back for a touchdown. The kickoff could have been fumbled. There could have been an interception. A bogus penalty. Pass interference. Extracurriculars. An earthquake. Heck, Joseph Addai could have held onto the ball for the remaining two minutes and made all of this speculation moot. Whatever. Belichick gambled - and sometimes, when you gamble, you lose. But when your defense is on the ropes, the absolute last thing you want to do is give the ball to Peyton Manning, who threw for 327 yards and four touchdowns.
If anything, the problem was the way the Patriots ran the fateful play. A short flank pass to Kevin Faulk? Come on. Run that puppy up the gut!
I would have better luck starting Captain Morgan at tight end. Or maybe Mickey Mouse. Or Betty Crocker. Or your mom. Source: Getty Images.
Obligatory Fighting Nucleophiles Update: Addai. Rice. The Ravens' defense. Wes Welker. A third consecutive nucleophilic attack! The Fighting Nucleophiles, official fantasy team of Second and One, are mounting a comeback that rivals the Chargers here, folks!
The one sour spot? I blew it at tight end. I opted to start Visanthe Shiancoe, employing the oft-effective "whoever plays the Lions" rule, and he stood around like shrubbery for the entire game, while Brent Celek continued his trend of scoring, celebrating in the end zone, and making both his opponents (and yours truly) completely miserable.
In other news, the Earth revolves around the sun, and I am putting this into the Undeniable Facts of Life category: Death, Taxes, Inflation, Adultery, Buttered Bread Always Landing Buttered-Side-Down, and Having One Position On Your Fantasy Team That You Always @#$& up with.
Tomorrow is my favorite college team's biggest rivalry game, and I'm really looking forward to it. More news to come after!
*I must give credit where credit is due: the reference is from Kissing Suzy Kolber.
**As the trend appears to be one of borrowing tonight, I will thank my buddy Eric, a fellow football nut and avid reader, for the silly simile!
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