Another One Bites The Dust: LSU (#8), Wisconsin (#16), and Stanford (#17) all lost - by a combined 10 points. Gee golly Jeepers, some people are angry now!
And for Dessert...: Against teams with a combined record of 22-33, Florida (#1), Alabama (#2), Texas (#3), TCU (#4), and Boise State (#6) won - by a combined 201 points. Why are we having cupcake week at the end of November, again?
Does it Get Any More Perfect?: There are 21 seniors playing for the schizophrenic Purdue Boilermakers. On Saturday, senior QB Joey Elliot's last pass as a Boilermaker was a touchdown. Senior CB David Pender's last play was a fumble recovery. Both of these plays came against school arch-rival IU in a heavily anticipated trophy match. Needless to say, Purdue won, ended on a high note, and left IU's colors crimson and creamed. Fun Fact: this season, the Boilermakers were 21 points away from being 10-2 instead of 5-7.
Against the Purdue Bipolar Patients, the Indiana Loosiers kicked the bucket yet again. Source: AP, Tom Strattman.
Amusing Announcing, Part the First: At the start of said Purdue/IU contest, Big Ten Network announcers boldly declared that said rivalry had "spanned three centuries." Second and One deftly notes that Indiana University was founded in 1820, and Purdue University in 1869. As further research indicates that the term "Boilermaker" was first used (in connection with Purdue football) in 1889, the rivalry is at most about 120 years old. Please, announcers! Read the history books before openin' yer traps!
Does it Get Any More Sour?: The Michigan State Spartans, who are bowl-eligible yet again, lost last week by 28 points to out-of-state rival Penn State, who keeps the Land Grant Trophy and moves towards a possible BCS bowl bid. The Detroit News now announces that two Spartan players, RB Glenn Winston and FS Roderick Jenrette, have been dismissed from the team for violating team rules, possibly related to a gigantic brawl on MSU's campus that followed a frat party. (Detroit News) This is Winston's second run-in with the law, the first coming in fall of 2008. Winston and Jenrette - You are, as ESPN might say, the Turkeys of the Year.
Fresh from the Bakery, Delicious Thanksgiving Edition: Against Ohio State, Michigan Freshman Messiah Tate Forcier began the game by fumbling in his own end zone - and it just got worse. Forcier threw four interceptions on Saturday afternoon, and spent most of the day sulking on the bench and watching the Michigan defense chasing Terrelle Pryor around the field. Coach Rodriguez, what the heck's happened to Michigan?!
Truly Special Special Teams: With about six minutes left, after two incomplete passes by Vince Young, the Tennessee Not-So-Burnt-Toast lined up to punt the ball back to Houston...or did they? The ensuing fake and run gained the first down, but not before the punting unit was called late for delay of game. End result: a real punt. D'oh!
Nice Play From the Backfield: In the depressing Bears-Eagles contest, Chicago WR Devin Hester dived for a ball overthrown by Jay Cutler. Eagles corner Asante Samuel reached out to stop him, and instead grabbed the waistband of Hester's pants from behind, revealing his - how should I put this - better assets (TV by the numbers. Warning: Not Safe For Work!) Other headlines Second and One considered for the uniform malfunction: The Play Was a Naked Reverse, Bears are Butt of Everyone's Jokes, Ass Interference, Bare Down, Full Moon Over Soldier Field, and the obligatory Chicago Unveils New Tight End.
Amusing Announcing, Part the Second: During Monday Night Football's Fastest Three Minutes, ESPN's Chris Berman referred to the Kansas City Chiefs as "the killer tomato cans." Would this make the upset Steelers, then, effectively canned?
Truly Special Special Teams, 2: For the second time this season, Houston Texans kicker Kris Brown missed a game-tying field goal. The first time was against Indianapolis. Fun Fact: In both games, the final score was 20-17. Statistic O' Suckage: Despite existing for 8 years, the Houston Cattle Ranch has never made a postseason appearance, and has never had a winning season.
Who would have thought that the most exciting game of the week would come between two teams with a combined record of 2-16? Source: Bleacherreport, Joe Robbins, Getty Images.
Amusing Announcing, Part the Third: The Now-Extinct Wolverines' Daryl Stonum lined up deep to return a punt with five minutes remaining before intermission, and was promptly cold-clocked by OSU's coverage team. "He really did stone 'em." Remarked the announcer.
Obligatory (Long) Fighting Nucleophiles Update: Aaron Rodgers buried the 49ers. Sidney Rice caught two touchdown passes. Wes Welker had more receiving yards than the Jets' entire receiving corps. Your Highness Addai-ness had a power-rush TD against a confused Ravens' D. End result: A fourth consecutive nucleophilic attack by the Fighting Nucleophiles, official fantasy team of Second and One!* Sour spot: My entire lineup was my optimal lineup. This has never happened. This last week, absolutely everything would have been perfect - but everyone reading this knows exactly where I went wrong. The Bears had (starter) Celek's number**, while Shiancoe went off like a bucket full of fireworks in a hot car. I am now personally going to petition Roger Goodell (I'd assume he's the commissioner of fantasy football as well) - to remove the tight end option from fantasy lineups altogether, as this is the only way I'll ever get it right.
And that's it for now. Hope everyone enjoys the respite the holiday weekend provides.
*In organic chemistry, reactions that involve multiple nucleophilic attacks (or really any attacks or events, usually as a lynchpin to assembly of some ugly molecule) are called cascades.
**It's 87, for everyone else.
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