Imagine this.
We love ridiculous allegories around here, so now that it's the holiday season, let's assume that the NFL is one giant Christmas party. So who plays whom (or what) in this ragtag cast of characters that shows up at your apartment on a Friday night?
Brad Childress is like the turkey leftovers you find in the back of the fridge at some point during the first week of the month - You throw them out with a disturbing sense of alacrity as not to offend your guests.
The Dallas Cowboys are a nice, pretty Christmas present with nice, pretty wrapping paper. Always getting torn apart in December.
The Chicago Bears are Santa Claus. He shows up to your party late, and everybody suddenly believes. How about those two safeties 20 yards deep, huh?
You're welcome, Eagles Fans. Source: Jose Osorio, Chicago Tribune
The San Diego Chargers are the Christmas Tree. Everyone oohs and aahs over how beautiful it is now, but everyone also knows that it'll get tossed out into the backyard come January.
Halfway through the party, Vince Young walks out angrily and claims that he's not quitting on the party, he's just quitting on the host.
Josh McDaniels is the obnoxious person who is videotaping the entire thing. Bill Belichick was the same person a couple of years ago - now he's just the guy who sits in the corner and never smiles because he thinks too much rum will make him sick.
Speaking of the rum, we'll have to give this distinction to the Pittsburgh Steelers. A bad encounter with them, and you're hammered.
"Yeah, Yeah. I'm going to be at your place a little late. I have a secondary to score on first." Source: chiefstailgate.net.
Dwayne Bowe is the star of the event, whom everyone wants a chance to talk to and catch up with. Hands down.
You know what happens when you invite a bunch of people over, who just cause mischief, run around, and knock over everything? Those people are the New Orleans Saints.
Brett Favre is the wheezy old guy whom nobody's seen in a while - but you invite him because you feel sorry for him. He wants to show you some pictures - everyone politely declines.
The Detroit Lions are tacky sweaters. You're sure to see them one at least day a year - and they're still revolting.
Note to all: If you try this punch at my house, I will kick you out too. Source: David J. Philip, Associated Press.
Andre Johnson and Cortland Finnegan, are, of course, the punch.
The Cincinnati Bengals are the fruitcake. They look pretty in theory, but then they get passed around, everyone has a bite, and the rest goes into the trash.
Derek Anderson has a major meltdown in the middle of the night as well, and walks out shortly after Vince Young does.
Aye. Caramba!
The Fighting Nucleophiles (official fantasy team of Second and One) are what happens when someone (most notably, Tom Brady) knocks over a candle and burns the whole place down. Seven touchdowns between my receivers this week. (Psst, I'm on the left). Lordy, call the fire department!
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