I know. I've been heinously delinquent in updating this thing, but I can't hold off any longer. All of football - both college and professional - are full of outright bad psychology these days!
What, do you ask, constitutes "bad psychology?" I've mentioned it before. "Bad psychology" is where one, or a few (comparatively minor) connected events act as a catalyst to seemingly shift the karmic balance of an entire team/division/conference/league from positive to negative - sometimes in a matter of hours or days. It's the sporting equivalent of forgetting your keys in the morning, and this minor annoyance then leads to you being late for work, which leads to your boss chewing you out - and after a few more hours, you've been rained on, stung by bees, chased by a madman with a machete, and you come home to find out that your house has burned down. Like that. So here are Second and One's Top 5 Worst Karmic Sucker-Punches of summer football news, in order of how increasingly mouth-puckeringly sour they are.
#5. The Big-12 Conference Calamity
Catalyst: The Big 10 conference offered the Nebraska Cornhuskers the opportunity to join the fun and form effectively a Big 12 of the East. The Huskers accepted.(Omaha World-Herald). While this isn't necessarily a bad thing, my mass spectroscopist (the biggest Huskers fan this side of the Mississippi) says it makes no sense whatsoever and argues that everything is the University of Texas' fault for "de-stabilizing" the conference with their constant "greed" and desire to have bowl games in Texas. On the Big(11)10 side, conference purists make many arguments against this move, including geographical proximity or lack thereof, "what about Cincy/Pitt/Mizzou/Notre Dame?", and such statements as "who gives a crap if IU plays Nebraska but IU and Nebraska?"
Fallout: The rest of the conferences have effectively decided to follow suit, thus making the "who's going where" speculation machine crank up to eleven, err, twelve. Thus far we've got: Boise State jumping ship to the Mountain West conference, Colorado departing for the Pac-10, Texas and Texas Tech trying to debate whether to stay in the Big 12 or join the Pac-10 (or worse yet, the SEC), Mizzou furiously declaring its desire to save the fragmenting conference, and a bunch of hearsay about where Texas A&M is going to end up. (ESPN) End result: My colleagues and I now require a complicated system of score pads, betting sheets, and gratuitous arguing to sort it out.
#4. The NFC North's Nitwits
Catalyst: It all started in Minnesota. The Vikings have had more drama than daytime TV, including Brett Favre's retirement non-retirement, the heart-stopping NFC championship game last year, AP and Bernard Berrian's speeding tickets, Brad Childress in drag, the Love Boat scandal - It's like having jock itch; you just can't get rid of it! The latest fiasco comes with defensive tackles Kevin and Pat Williams (the infamous Williams Wall), who were caught in violation of the League's substance abuse policy for taking a banned diuretic that was supposed to only show up in a weight-loss supplement intended for women. Last I checked, nobody knew what the judge in this case was doing or whether they'll be suspended for four games or not so I won't post any links. It doesn't stop the unpleasant whispering in the ear of karma, however.
Fallout: The bad news appears to have spread to Green Bay, where, earlier this month, CB Brandon Underwood faced claims that he sexually assaulted two women following a charity golf outing. This also comes on the heels of defensive lineman Johnny Jolly's drug arrest in Houston, and something about TE Spencer Havner riding a motorcycle while drunk. Aye-freakin' Caramba. (NFL.com). Whatever this is, I hope it stops at the Wisconsin/Illinois border!
Or maybe at the Wisconsin/Michigan border. Like these poor guys need any more drama. (Life Magazine)
#3. Maimed MSU's March Madness Mortification?
Catalyst: Everyone knows what happened to MSU last season: the multiple dismissals and suspensions served as mere preamble to the Spartans' bowl-game collapse against the Texas Tech Red Raiders.
Fallout: MSU fans were eager to avenge their spectacular on-and-off-field destruction during basketball season. While they didn't do badly in the tournament, news has now surfaced that MSU basketball coach, the legendary, hoarse-voiced Tom Izzo, may leave to coach the Cleveland Cavaliers. This move would be to keep LeBron James from going to the Chicago Bulls (or elsewhere) and taking most of the economy of Cleveland out with him. This registers as our #3 entry because it affects multiple sports and may effectively tear the bowels out of an entire fan-base. It's gotten SO desperate in Michigan that the state's congressmen have even written to Izzo. Sadly, I am not making this up. (ESPN)
#2. A Titanic Travesty in Tennessee:
Catalyst: Titans QB Vince Young, long considered an upstanding citizen if not a bit dramatic, was nailed on early Sunday morning with a class C assault charge after he punched a man at a Dallas strip club who made derogatory statements and gestures about Young's alma mater. (ESPN) Everyone reading no doubt realizes that if the Titans lose Vince Young, that, short of having Kenny Britt throw the ball downfield and run to catch it, they're shafted at the QB position, unless Kerry Collins miraculously grows 10 years younger overnight.
Fallout: The painful psychological snowball didn't stop there. This morning, the NFL announced the suspension of LB Gerald McRath, who also violated the League's substance-abuse policy and is now balking loudly, claiming he took a "tainted supplement." (National football post has minor details) Ouch! Two kicks to the metaphorical groin in one day! And it got even worse. Paul Kuharsky's AFC South Blog reports that at Titans practice today, an offensive lineman and defensive end got into an altercation that involved flying helmets and Jeff Fisher blowing up, and all of this happened amid a nasty, persistent argument between WR Nate Washington and CB Cortland Finnegan!* (ESPN, Now, whether either Washington or Finnegan was out of line or if this progressed any further beyond normal practice-field jawing is beside the point) - it's just another cherry on top of an already enormously barbaric banana split of blasphemy. This entry makes #2 because it's two nasty events that caused team morale to utterly collapse within 24 hours, and it follows a season in which the Titans were already on their way to Palookaville.
For Second and One's second revision of the Titans logo, it was either this or a giant middle finger.
#1. The AFC South's Steroid Shakeup and Southern California
Catalyst: Old news, but Brian Cushing, a rookie linebacker for the Houston Texans (and rookie of the year!) has been suspended for four games for testing positive for a banned substance. The substance: hCG, the hormone that pregnancy tests look for. It can be often used as a masking agent for anabolic steroids.
Fallout: A re-vote was held for rookie of the year,** and Cushing promptly won again, despite the allegations. Were those voting hiding under a rock for two weeks?! Additionally, another source (read as: "someone anonymously posting on the internet," claimed steroids were rampant among the linebacking corps at USC, although I'm not sure I buy it - The only thing Clay Matthews is guilty of is looking a bit too much like AJ Hawk for my tastes). Oh, and speaking of USC, the bad psychology from the Cushing flap obviously spread to his alma mater, which has now been slapped with numerous sanctions by the NCAA, including probations, loss of scholarships, a two-year bowl ban, and multiple win forfeits. (SI). Supposedly, the violations had to do with handouts to recruits (most noticeably, Saints RB Reggie Bush) and their families, inaccurate declarations of eligibility, and "lack of institutional control." Well, whatever that is, it's all Brian Cushing's fault, and he's earned the #1 spot on our list.
More to come later.
*Is there anyone/anything these two haven't yelled at? Let's get them in a room with Philip Rivers - or is it too early for fireworks?
**Second and One's alternative nominees: Clay Matthews (Green Bay), Pierre Garcon, Austin Collie (Both out of Indianapolis)
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